Axe N' Roses | Rosie x Adam |

Axe N' Roses

Adam was quite tense, probably for the first time in a long time.

Okay, that wasn't true, but he was stressed as hell and he really didn't want to do anything stupid that day. And oh fuck, he's been walking since morning like he's going to explode from fucking nerves, and the rest of the hotel was looking at him like he was crazy. That is, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but it happened so he wasn't too concerned.

The reason he was so stressed was, well, unique. Well, the former angel, the great DickMaster, and the original First Man was asked out on a date. And he was fucking terrified of it.

That is, Adam went on a lot of dates throughout his life because he was as old as time, literally, so he had plenty of opportunities to do so. However, he was only in two relationships, and with women who were supposedly made for him (and one was even made from his rib, ew), so he never even went through this stage of falling in love. Generally, he thought that it was better when they were married right away, even without all this crap, because he didn't actually have to try because he got everything ready-made. According to the rules, he didn't have much to do, and his wife should cook for him, raise the children, clean and all this shit that he didn't want and didn't have to do. Well, in general he would say that the second rule didn't work out very well for Eve because his two sons were annoying as hell, but Adam didn't know them well enough to go into it further. Anyway, one killed the other, there wasn't much to think about. Which of them won? Adam never knew which son was which. Fortunately, he didn't talk to them often enough to even have the opportunity to mix up their names.

He generally did great with this attitude in heaven, but for some reason it wasn't so accepted in hell. Or maybe the demons just didn't give a shit and told him straight up what they thought? Possibly, but not confirmed, because Adam usually didn't listen to what they said to him. Well, they weren't interesting enough.

Unfortunately or fortunately, he had to admit that there was one person in hell who was interesting and her not giving a shit was charming here, not annoying.
Adam remembered that their first meeting was normal, where he made comments expecting the usual indignation from her, but he received a hit to the back of the head with a critical statement that he was sexist. Well, maybe he was, but so what? No one has ever criticized him for this before...
During the next meeting, Adam remembered that he was mocking someone (possibly the old Radio Demon) for being weak, and specifically calling him a pussy. For which he got a whole lecture from her about vaginas and female genital organs and Adam thought that his life was better when he didn't know these terrifying details. The fuck you mean that The average woman loses anywhere from two tablespoons to half a cup of blood during period? How come she doesn't bleed out? Adam said that then it is not surprising that every woman is angry during her period, for which he was hit on the back of the head again.

And then it turned out that this elegant, sharp, old-fashioned looking bitch was actually a nice woman with whom you could get along like with a normal person. Quite surprising. Plus she was a cannibal, for some reason (Adam didn't understand the urge to eat other demons), but the thought of seeing her devouring some sinner sounded appealing. Although he personally would prefer not to be eaten.

At least not in the cannibalistic sense.

What? Who said that?

Adam wasn't sure how things went between them, but some time later he realized that she had invited him on a date. Well, I mean, at first he was sure she was talking about some friendly outing, so he made a cocky comment about him catching her eye, to which she commented that he was actually right. Adam was drinking his shake at this point and a moment later he was choking on it while she stood there with an unconvinced expression on her face but she patted him on the back to help. How could he know she really meant it? She didn't sound like she was inviting him to something romantic at all, and she hadn't shown any interest in him in this way before! Maybe she was just joking with him? On the other hand, she didn't look like someone who would joke about something like that, because he had noticed earlier that although she liked gossip, she was always happy to hear about new relationships in Cannibal Town. And about this couple, Charlie and Vagina. Or Vaggie.
Eh, same thing.