If Only You Knew🫀

Apology

J- I'm sorry for burdening you.
I- Nope it's fine. Just a matter of help.
J- Do you still love me Isha??

Am I?

I don't know about the possibilities of me in love with him. He left me after what we had. After everything. I do still love him but I'm scared.

I- I don't know Jon. You tell me, do I love you? *staring at him
J- Isha..
I- What do you expect Jon? I'm a human after all. Can we not have this conversation now?
J- Isha please.. *touch my hand

His touch. My weakness. He hold my hand closer to him waiting for my reaction. I got a lot of flashbacks when I felt his touch. I slowly pull my hands off from him.

I- Don't Jon. Your touch traumatise me.
J- Ouh okay.

I'm sorry Jon but I can't keep doing this to myself. When I lift my head up our eyes locked up for a minute, I know I won't control myself. The tired eyes shows genuine emotions reminding me of the reason I fell in love with him at first place. The dark circle under his eyes, the brown black cornea shine brighter under the light. It got me stuck for a minute before I break the eye contact.

Slowly he moves his big palm on my cheek and caress it slowly before plant a warm kiss on my forehead. I love you Jon. I miss you. I miss us. I needed this. I feel the tears from my eyes cause it explains how much I miss him. The peace that I could never have. When he break the kiss, I saw his eyes trace my lips before connecting our lips.

It was a slow and passionate kiss that showed how much we missed each other's company for these 4 years. He sucked my upper lips and his tongue enters my mouth and exploring them. I want this moments to be forever. I need him. But then, I reminded some things and pushed him away.

I- Jon what are we doing?
J- What do you mean?
I- What is this Jon? The kiss? Why?
J- I know you still love me Isha. The kiss is the proof.
I- Stop it Jon. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? YOU FUCKING LEFT ME JON!!!! WHY NOW?
J- I SUFFERED AS WELL ISHA!
I-YOU SUFFERED? YOU DATE ANOTHER GIRL AFTER ME  JON. YOU FUCKING REPLACED ME.
J- NOOOOO. I DIDN'T. THERE'S NO ANOTHER WOMAN.
I- But you said you did.
J- I lied so that you can hate me.
I- Surya told me as well.
J- I asked him to.
I- You told me that you replaced me.
J-I wanted to know what would be your reaction. I never said I replaced you with another woman Isha.
I- Jon stop it. You've been lying to me all these years? How could you do that to me?
J- I did what I thought it would be better.

*sigh
I don't know what to feel anymore. I needed him but before you declared he already has a gf and it was 4 years ago. I'm doing fine now but why I keep coming back to him?

I:Why are you coming back Jon?
J:Huh?
I:Why are you coming back after you told me clearly that I should stop doing so? Why are you doing this?
J:Don't you get it Isha? I still do love you.
I:How am I supposed to trust Jon? You broke it years ago..
J:I'm sorry but I taught it would be better.
I:Then leave it. What makes you think I will accept you again?
J:The kiss explains everything.
I:That kiss was nothing.
J:Nothing huh?