Signs to Keep Going

Forgive yourself

Stop thinking about it. It wasn't all your fault, you've poured your heart out and even gave it to this man because you knew that even though he had the power to hurt you and your inner child, he was capable of loving you. Forgive yourself for when he asked you for favours and you gladly tended just because you loved him even before you realized, he made you smile after going through tough times, you made him feel like he wasn't alone, no one ever did and ever will open him up the way that you did, you're irreplaceable to this man and you know it.

Forgive yourself for he caused your mountains to crumble and your volcanoes to erupt because you sat him down on your pedestal and cleaned his mess up. Forgive yourself, because of you, he's a better person and he'll come back and thank you one day, someday. Forgive yourself, because you've given this man the comfort he needed to help heal his inner child even if that meant you had to loose him. Maybe you held on too tight and it hurt to let him go but just forgive yourself.

Even if you hurt him that one time, he hurt you more times than you can count. Forgive yourself for he body shamed you, he made empty promises, he embarrassed you in front of your friends, he made you feel like you weren't any better than he was, he made you feel like you're even more broken than you already were but the worst thing? The worst thing was that you let him love you, you showed him a side of you that no one else knew.

Now you're just there, constantly asking yourself if you want to talk to him or ask for closure. Forgive yourself because he wouldn't have handled his own life. He has his own life now, yes, but it doesn't change the fact that you made him half a better man that he was before. Forgive yourself, it's not your battle to fight for, even if you had him to rant to, he's never gonna be better to that girl he's dating. Forgive yourself because you know she'll get hurt the same way you did, everything that man touches turns into a rotting apple that he bit just to lessen the temptation and leave you on the ground to die.

Forgive yourself for how much you cared for him and expect nothing in return, he's gonna become nothing but an empty shell, he's gonna come crawling back for the nurture you provided for him, the positive energy that you transmitted to him, the twinkle in your eyes that no one else can top. He was your number one priority and yet he hadn't thought of you as the same. Forgive yourself for loving someone so broken and fixing up his broken pieces without him knowing. Forgive yourself for letting your radiant energy be taken away from you because of how much you've given to him, he's the radiant one now because you made him better, you made him understand himself better, you made him pick up study habits, you made him a bunch of gifts that he probably just discarded, you made him heal his inner wounds, you made him a home to settle down in when he was is pain.

Forgive yourself, you were hurting too, all your work and it leads to this? Why did you accept that? He could never repair all you've done for him when it crumbles down, you can see the look on his face when he needs help but that girl can't replace half the work you put into that home, she can't replicate the details and effort that you had put into that home, she can't make all the gifts that you did, she can't make the house better but made it cheap. She made pipes burst and the kitchen burn, she made the bed but he was incapable to sleep in it for he didn't seem to find the comfort and love that you put in, she made food but it was burnt or it didn't taste right for she couldn't recreate the recipes in the cook book that you tore the pages of in rage, she made art but that art wasn't full of emotions like yours, if yours had trees that blossom and children who play. Her's was just a picture of him but only because she wanted hers to be framed. Both artworks were framed but hers lacked attention to detail, her's lacked that special design that he likes or maybe she just seems better because she knew how to ride a bike.

Forgive yourself because that's all you can do, you know you lost him but he can never replace you. Forgive yourself because you know there isn't anyone better, you'll make him have a difficult time finding that comfort in someone other than you. He cannot fathom the amount that you gave him and now he has to settle for less for you have the power to make his beach carry beautiful waves and his storms have lightning that was frighteningly beautiful.

His rage compared to yours is truly nothing when you hold grudges, it was a baby compared to the grand flood you created with tears you shed while he was only hurting for that one week. She cannot recreate you for she has no power. He cannot replace you for he only has temptation to devour. So forgive yourself, my dear for that is all you can do. Just remember that I love you... ★