What We Were

3

❋ARIELLE❋

Should love be unconditional? Maybe, in families, or for soulmates.

I don't have either.

Even when Dad and Sadie were Dad and Mom it didn't matter what I did. Something always took precedence over me.

My heart yearned, begged, pleaded for a connection. The little friends I had couldn't replace a familial bond.

I'm still eternally grateful for those friends though.

In the dark, still nights.. I'd hug myself and wipe my own tears. I held myself up, I kept myself sane.

Don't get me wrong, in the old days, we'd eat meals together, Dad even gave me his car when he got a new one. I appreciate them supporting me.

But I wish I had nurture, real care.

I remember the time I accidentally broke my father's plaque. Shards of glass shattered around me, slits of blood forming.

But my parents were more affected by the monetary value of what I'd broken over my well-being.

Strangely, the fury that engulfed my father's mostly emotionless persona was the only attention I received, and what I so desperately craved.

I became a child of destruction, broken items followed me, a flurry of rage and anger thrown at me as a result.

Amidst the chaos, my soul hoped for once a message of love rather than a punishment.

But people don't see what you want them to see.

There's no point me in questioning if their love should be unconditional, when there was no love in the first place.

***

I step onto the sidewalk off my driveway. I'm going for a walk at 1AM, actually I'm going for a hot chocolate. I'm walking to get a hot chocolate.

I will never learn to wear warm clothes.

I stroll down my street and turn the corner into the town entrance from the mostly residential streets.

Tipsy people stumble and laugh in groups near some bars and a liquor store. I traumatically notice a couple getting lucky in a bush.

Yeah, I stick with the hot chocolate selling part of town for a reason.

I walk through the door of the familiar cafe, Goody greeting me with a grin.