tw: depression
you dont listen to me.
you walk off.
i cant see you.
i text mãe and (.)
they say they have you.
i hold back my tears.
they left me there, with you.
they know you dont listen to me,
but they did it anyway.
so they could relax.
they left me in charge of you and the bags.
mãe comes over.
i start to cry.
saying i was worried but she only get's mad.
"he's not normal."
"it's just the way he is."
i respond, "that's what everyone always says." crying.
"it's not my fault i have a kid with mental issues!"
did i say it was?
no.
i just cried.
no one hears me.
no one sees me.
no one sees how hard it is to be that kid.
that kid they want.
im not that kid.
that perfect kid.
her perfect smile,
and life.
im that girl on the outside for them.
but they dont see me.
they dont try to look behind the smile cause i wont let them.
i wont let them waste their money.
and time.
and effort on me.
not when they already have him.
so ill sit there.
and pretend.
but this is today.
a year ago today was the worst day of my life.
but i woke up again and again.
and i smiled for them.
so why cant they just shut up.
and just let me lay in bed and not come out.
cause that's all i want to do.
