I vent here

Sleep is harder than it's supposed to be...

Dear

Reader,

Hello! I hope you're doing better than me, though if you're reading this, in all likelihood, you're not. You're probably looking for someone to relate to, or maybe someone to pity, or someone to make your problems seem smaller. I don't know why you're here, but I'm here tonight because I can't sleep. 

Why is sleep so difficult!? It shouldn't be, should it? I mean all I have to do is shut my eyes and rest for a couple hours! Why can't my brain handle that? That's probably because of my anxiety. So much to do. So many things I could do instead of sleeping. So I lay awake wondering whether I should get up and do things or get a healthy amount of sleep. I'll be honest usually neither of these things happen. I just lay there until it's too late, and it's past midnight. Then I'll try to fall asleep again, but it's harder knowing I could've accomplished something. But I didn't. 

I'm not as worried about when it's the weekend or summer or I have a day off or something, but when it's a school night or I have plans this messes up my mood and makes things unpleasant for everyone. Does anyone have any advice? How do you get to sleep? And nobody comment that they just have a consistent schedule. You're on Wattpad, I won't believe you for a moment. I suppose I can't judge just based on that but still... it's Wattpad. Anyway, a schedule wouldn't work for me anyways, I'm awful with consistency. It either gets boring or my "out of sight out of mind" shit kicks in and I forget about it. 

I feel like I'm being overdramatic, but I can't help it. Goodness I hate feelings. So I block them out most of the time. That may be part of my problem. So here I am, on Wattpad, in the middle of the night, venting to a bunch of (probably wonderful) people I don't even know, instead of facing my problems. I don't like to talk about feelings with anyone.  Feelings are really scary. Though I don't think I could say it aloud, they might be my biggest fear. Right next to bugs and the fear of being forced to do things I don't want to do and all the other fears. Like I said anxiety stops me from doing a lot of things, one of those things is talking about my problems. I just can't do it. But! I can write about my feelings, so late at night that I almost spelled write as wright. 

I hope no one relates but someone can help. Please don't tell me to get a therapist or a psychiatrist. Those would involve me talking about my feelings, which I expressed I cannot do. Please if you have any tips on the whole sleep thing, don't be afraid to share like I am. 

Goodnight/mornigh/evening, friends! Get better sleep than me and make sure you take care of yourself. Hopefully I don't have to update this too often. Maybe some of you are struggling and will get help from the comments too! That'd be neat. Anyway if you are struggling, I recommend watching some sander sides. It's a fun lil' YouTube show on Thomas Sanders account where he splits up his personality to help resolve his problems, but it's also, simultaneously, very entertaining and educational. Tricks you into learning. Anyway, there's some good advice in that show I think could be helpful if you're struggling like me. Minor spoiler alert: I know what cognitive distortions are because of that show! Anyway it's late and I got to get back to overthinking. Goodnight, friend-oes!!   

Until our next meeting,

Zostrich

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