Ghost (First Edition)

Chapter Twelve

Luis

Luis stayed the whole week with Nathan, only leaving to make dinner for his mother. Nathan was getting better quickly, far quicker than the doctor had predicted. Luis liked to think it was because he was there.

"Luis?"

Nathan's soft voice snapped Luis from his thoughts. The room was lit by the faint silver glow of the moon. Luis was lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling while holding Nathan's hand. Nathan was running his thumb in small circles over the top of Luis's pale hand.

"Yes?" Luis asked, turning his head to look at Nathan. Nathan was looking at him, hair tinged silver.

"Why are you here?" Nathan asked.

Luis felt his heart drop. "Do you want me to leave?" He asked in a small voice.

"No, that's not what I meant. It's just..." Nathan sighed, "You haven't been to school since Monday, and I was wondering why," he locked eyes with Luis, there was worry in those blue depths.

Luis sighed and looked away so Nathan wouldn't see the hurt. "I barely survived Monday," he said softly, "without you there, I was free game to the others. I tried to be strong, I really did, but..." he trailed off.

"It got to hard?" Nathan guessed, his voice gentle.

Luis nodded helplessly.

"At least you tried," Nathan murmured, squeezing Luis's hand gently.

"Hm," Luis mumbled. He sat up, "I'm going to take a bath. This week might be the only chance I have to use hot water," he gave Nathan a light kiss on the cheek and slipped off the silky bed and made for the bathroom.

"Don't be long!" He heard Nathan call, his voice still a little weak.

Luis smiled over his shoulder before heading through the wardrobe and into the bright bathroom. he pressed a few buttons on the wall by the tub to make the water warm and bubbly. He watched the marble thing fill for a few moments in silence before turning and using the toilet. When he was done, he washed his hands, avoiding his reflection in the mirror. He didn't need a reminder of how weak and pathetic he looked.

Stepping to the edge of the now-full bathtub, Luis pulled his jumper off and threw it over towards the sink. He looked down at himself, at the red-white scars hidden under his clothes. Long scars, short scars, round scars. Knife scars and burn scars... all the self-harm he had ever done to himself was in full view.

He was halfway through taking his pants off when he heard Nathan's voice.

"Luis?" It was weak and uncertain.

Luis turned, his pants riding low enough to see most of his underwear. Nathan had one hand gripping the door frame, and his face was pale. He wasn't looking at Luis, or even how low his pants were. His blue eyes were focused on the red and white scars that covered Luis's arms and torso.

"I—"

"Luis, what happened to you?" Nathan asked, coming forwards slowly, "Who did this to you?" His eyes were wide in shock and worry.

Luis opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. He looked away, looking down at his rippled reflection in the water in the tub. "I did," he whispered.

Nathan was silent for a moment. "Why?" His voice was soft, but Luis couldn't discern the tone.

Luis didn't look at Nathan, he was afraid of what he might see in his boyfriend's face. Fear? Anger? Distain? "I... I have depression, Nathan," he said at last, "I'm suicidal. Before I met you, the only thing stopping everything from overwhelming me was self-harm," he dipped his toe in the water, making it ripple out in circles, destroying his refection, "but even with you in my life, sometimes... it's still too much." He slumped his shoulders and his bottom lip started to tremble.