Epilogue pt. I

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I breathe you in again
just to feel you
underneath my skin
holding on to
- Familiar Taste Of Poison by Halestorm



"So what do you want to do now?" I glanced up at Demi on the couch from my very comfy position on the rug where I was currently curled up with Luna.

"Tell me about Claire"

"Claire?" I was taken aback by her answer "Why, what do you want to know about Claire?"

"I would just love to know more about her, she is obviously someone important to you and I want to know what it is about her that makes her deserve this level of respect from you. I guess I'm just curious"

She sounded sincere.My mind wandered to memories of my mentor. There was a lot to say about Claire, a lot I wanted to say, but how far into detail could I go without scaring her off? Images came to my head, of things that I hadn't even known existed before Claire had started training me. So terrifying, and unspeakable at first but so enthralling and intoxicating once I had experienced them. Demi of course had made her own experiences  but she and I had only just scratched the surface when it came to this and I hadn't intended on going deeper, pulling her into this world. The only fair way to do it was to bring them together but I wasn't sure if they could handle each other. Or rather if Demi could handle Claire.I realized that Demi was still looking at me expectantly.

"When I was 18, right after my mother died and I moved in with Xav, I started to feel claustrophobic. I was alone and isolated and this guy from one of the gambling sessions took me to a club. To this day I have no idea how he even got in there, it was a pretty prestigious BDSM club, invite only. At that time I didn't know it belonged to Nina's husband, because they were traveling Europe so we hadn't met yet. The first night there, I was just looking, there was a lot to see and I was intrigued by all of it. But I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn't know about consent and negotiation, I just wanted an emotional release, I wanted as much pain as possible. So the next time I was there, I went into a private room with this woman, she was taking advantage of the fact that I hadn't set any limits because I was scared to annoy her, and she immediately started degrading me, saying pretty awful things, that I obviously hadn't consented to. But then suddenly there was Claire. She had somehow sensed that this wasn't a healthy situation and she was managing the dungeon at that time, in Nina's and her husband's absence. I was so intimidated by her, she came in eerily calm and ordered the woman to leave and never come back with a coldness that I could physically feel. And then, suddenly she changed once that woman was gone. She came over to me, made sure I was okay, and kept me in her general vicinity for the rest of the night."

Demi tilted her head. "So she became your Domme?"

I laughed. "No, she didn't make it that easy for me. I begged her to train me for months, but she wouldn't even touch me in a friendly way until I had read basically her entire library of books on BDSM and power dynamics and taken literal quizzes on that. She wanted to make sure that I was sure. That I was able to engage in this in a safe way that wouldn't hurt me. We didn't have our first session until about six months later, but in that time I learned a lot. And I saw a lot."

"Why did you stop seeing her?"


"When things with Xav went downhill I cut off contact because I was scared he would get to her. And I was embarrassed to face her too. I felt weak and not at all like the person she'd taught me to be."


"The person she'd taught you to be?"


"This connection went a lot deeper than just BDSM. She could sense how unhappy I was with myself and basically made it her life's mission to change that. She used to read to me from this book called "There is nothing wrong with You". It actually helped, partially because I finally had found a home in her and Nina and the other people at the club. The club was my favorite place to be."


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