„Tay, are you ready? You have to be on stage in 15 minutes." Tree was knocking firmly against Taylor's dressing room door with no luck. „Taylor, I'm coming in."
Tree opened the door and immediately saw Taylor staring at her phone. "Honey, what are you doing? You know you're not supposed to be on your phone before the show."
„I know, I'm sorry Tree. I'll put it away."
„What where you looking at?"
„Nothing, just some fan edits."
That wasn't a lie. She did watch some old fan edits she saved on TikTok, but she withheld one small detail. With a sigh Taylor put her phone away and turned to Tree who was waiting for her just outside her dressing room. The walk to the stage wasn't long but long enough for her brain to play one specific video over and over.
2018
I was just finishing my last show of the Reputation tour. The adrenaline of it was still running through my veins. When I looked up, I saw him. The love of my life. With a huge smile on my face I ran towards him, into his arms, breathing in his scent. It calmed me down after the shows, he was my home and my rock. He held me tightly and smiled, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. We walked to my dressing room together, everything was perfect.
Taylor took one more deep breath.
„Honey are you sure you're okay? You look a little out of it."
„Yeah."
„You saw an old video of him didn't you?"
Taylor just nodded.
„Taylor, you..."
„Tree not now okay? I have to get my brain focused on the show. Please."
Tree just nodded and gave Taylor a quick hug for good luck.
„I'll be in the audience tonight, you got this Tay."
Taylor smiled and nodded before walking onto the ramp.
The show started out great. She played in Kansas City that night. The crowd was cheering and singing along, all of them having an amazing night.
When Taylor started playing Lover, she felt a lump in her throat knowing exactly what would follow. In between words she tried to breathe through it, she didn't want to share tears again. She hated the vulnerability on stage, wanting to power through for her fans all the time. She didn't want anyone to worry as well.
But the video of Joe just kept playing in her head. She missed him. No. She missed being truly loved. He truly loved her in 2018. She truly loved him until the end.
Suddenly she felt the first tear running down her cheek, quickly followed by a second one.
When the song was over, she quickly wiped them away knowing that the fans had already seen them. She didn't care. Her heart hurt and she was all alone. She knew she wasn't entirely alone but no one could give her the love she needed at the moment. No one was there to cuddle up in bed after the concert kissing her goodnight. No one would take care of her when she felt exhausted after over three hours of performing. No one was there and she hated it.
But Taylor powered through it again and finished the show with a real smile. Somehow tonight started to feel different after the evermore set, she didn't know why but she wasn't complaining.
The cheers of the crowd became more quiet.
The stage closed and everyone congratulated her on yet another incredible show.
She smiled and thanked everyone, changed her shoes and walked to her dressing room.
„You look better. I love it. It was a great show Taylor."
„Thanks Tree. I appreciate it."
Taylor looked up to Tree knowing something would follow her words.
„Tree just spill it. I know you. What do you need to say?"
Tree chuckled a little.
„You know me well."
„Obviously", Taylor smiled.
„Okay, so, I got something for you."
Taylor looked confused when Tree handed her a friendship bracelet.
„Tree, why are you giving me a bracelet? Did you do that?"
„No, no. But someone wanted to give it to you who was in the Vip audience tonight. Do you know Travis Kelce?"
„Wait isn't he a football player?"
„Yes. Kansas chiefs actually. He usually plays in this stadium."
