This shit gonna get me sold to a old man in Ohio

48 4 13

by Silver_Da_Hedgie

by Silver_Da_Hedgie

The Tale of the Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses and Depressed Hello Kitties

One day, The Demon of Insincerity showed up on my doorstep, and moonwalked on my carpet until I came outside "hey, could you move over some?" I ask impatiently "But I am moonwalking?" The Demon says sadly "I know but I have to get to my trampoline" I say pointing towards the large Rectangle in the yard "if you can bring me some gouda cheese then I will let you pass" The small creature says "but my father ate all the gouda cheese" I say sorrowfully "Then bring me Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses" The Demon of Insincerity said, now doing a robot dance. I looked around then decided to comply to their demands and went to grab one of the wild Jesus' riding T-rexes with sunglasses we had in our backyard.

At the time, they were playing house with Darth Vader and Elmo- Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses appeared to be the mom and Elmo the Dad- so I quickly went over to try and grab the requested, Item? But as soon as I was about to catch it with a Thomas the tank engine lasso, Darth Vader who was the baby began demanding Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses played with him, which ruined my plans, so I decided to try and catch a different Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses, the one I chose was trying to throw a fridge at Dora the explorer, but when I was about to catch it The Demon of Insincerity showed up behind me and scared it away.

"Look what you've done, it will be impossible for me to catch a Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses now!" I yell angrily "yes you can, just follow my lead" the fluffy creature said "right, left, up, right, right, down, up, left, left, down" The Demon of Insincerity shouted "But I'm not getting any- AHHHHHHH" I shouted as I fell into a hole trap "YOU LITTLE RAT!!!! YOU TRICKED ME!!!!!" I shout angrily "why of course, I am The Demon of Insincerity after all, you're not going to get anywhere listing to me" they said peering down into the hole "THEN WHY DID YOU HELP AT ALL?" I ask annoyed.

"So, I could steal your collection of depressed Hello Kitties of course" They say moonwalking once again "YOU WOULDN'T DARE!!!" I yell "Of course I would, do you know how much I could sell them for at Kroger's?" They ask. I was defeated, they had a really good point, the amount of Periwinkle Blue Umbrellas you could get for just one of them was Insane "Yes, I am aware" I whisper defeatedly.

"Don't worry, I'll let you out once I have enough umbrellas for a Box of George Washington mugs that I will sell to Shrek at Tractor supply" They say in an evil tone of voice "Oh my waffles, only someone with a truly black heart would do something as horrendous as that, you know the distribution of George Washington mugs was made illegal years ago!!!" I say trembling with fear, as I said this they began playing Africa by Toto to assert their clear superiority, being in the presence of someone as evil as this was a true nightmare! "I will take my leave now, have fun!!!" They say before leaving.

As they left, I heard Cocomelon music behind me, that could only mean one thing- A pack of wild miss McLaughlin's was right behind me- I turned around to see them saying their signature phrases "Do your comprehension questions" "stop talking to the fifth grade teachers" and worst of all "be quiet" As they walked up to me with their McDonalds swords I was completely taken over by fear so I did the only thing I could "A duck walked up to a lemonade stand as he said to the man, running the stand 'hey-bum bum bum- got any grapes?'" The wild miss McLaughlin's where instantly mesmerized by the prospect of Ducks, more precisely stealing them from children, and they all fell asleep with their wicked thoughts driving their dreams.

I then jumped out of the hole and ran to stop The Demon of Insincerity from selling my depressed Hello Kitties to Shrek, grabbing a ride on one of the Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses before racing to the Kroger, on the way there I noticed a Dwayne the rock Johnson in a princess peach dress and I stopped for and auto graph before continuing after the Demon of Insincerity.

Once I arrived at the Kroger I let the Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses go and walked inside and started looking for The Demon of Insincerity, I first looked in the candy isle only to find Santa Claus buying bubble gum, I then went to the pet isle and saw the paw patrol dude buying dog treats. Finally, I entered the toy area where I saw Shrek and The Demon of Insincerity arguing about the price of my Depressed Hello Kitties.

"Hand the Kitties over!!!" I yell angrily "Why should I?" The Demon of Insincerity retorted before jumping on top of the shelf system with the depressed Hello Kitties in tow and doing a subway surfers reenactment- me being the policeman.

After a long run around the store, I finally caught up to the Demon and took back my Hello Kitties "NOOOOOOO, HOW WILL I GET MY GEORGE WASHINGTON MUGS NOW????????????" The creature yelled "you won't" I said before leaving the store, getting back on my Jesus riding a T-rex with sunglasses, and went home, finally able to jump on my trampoline.

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My teacher is so fed up with my bullshit I swear to god she gonna kill me once she sees this, also yes, her name is miss mclaughlin so she's gonna be pissed I turned her into a brain dead animal ass mother fucker but I don't really care.