My Story by Courtney †

My story - Courtney

This is my story, i've kept my mouth shut about my bullying story for too long.

My name is Courtney, I am 15 years old and I was bullied for 9 years it stopped for a year and now it has started up again.

I used to be a happy person but through the years I've changed. I didn't know who I was then but I kind of know where I am now. I was bullied from year 1 through till year 9. I thought that when it stopped at the end of year 6 that it was over but I thought wrong.

This is how I was bullied.

In year one I was called names and pushed over.

In year two this new girl stole my best friend, she stole my friends, my jackets, my food, my drawings, my life.

In year three I had a gang of 29 people being mean to me. I was beaten up, spat at, called names, left out of games and locked in rooms.

In year four I got called names like fat, ugly, stupid, a cow, a bitch. I was hit several times by loads of people. The friends I did have left me to deal with this on my own, they didn't support me through this time. I had my nose and wrist broken in this year.

In year five I got pushed into a metal pole and cracked the front of my head open. My parents still didn't know what was going on I told them that I was just really clumsy. I had bruises all over my body and I had cuts all over me. I had scissors thrown at me, I had a pencil dug into my arm, I had a chair pressed down on my foot and broke my toes.

In year six I was forced to do a leavers project with my bullies. I hated it I was pushed off stage, tripped over, kicked, had squash tipped over my new dress. I hated my self. At the end of the show my whole class had to sing a song about being friends and it killed me. I sat on the stage with tears down my face of course it would blend in because we were leaving school. At the end of the song I snuck off stage and ran to the toilets. I sat in there crying. I was playing with my clip and found a sharp piece on the end and that was the first time I cut. I cut until I was ready to pass out. No one even noticed that I was gone, what I had done and I planned to keep it that way. A couple of days before we broke up from school the bullying stopped.

In year seven the bullying started again. I started getting death threats, I got pushed down a flight of stairs, I nearly drowned thanks to them, I was forced to give them my money for my lunch. I was made fun of. I was called fat and that's when I stopped eating. I didn't want to eat no more, I couldn't. I gave up on life.

In year eight my dog that I had for years died of cancer and people started taking the mick out of her being dead it upset me. I fell into deep depression and couldn't get my self out of it. I wanted to die and I even attempted to commit suicide. It didn't work.

In year nine my grampy died. I was the last one out of the kids to say bye and I feel so guilty I thought he was going to make it. Also this year I had rumors spread about me. Around the school I was named as the whore of the school. Apparently I had given 18 blow jobs, had sex with 9 different people, had 2 abortions, got raped, slept with my sisters friend, stabbed someone and they are all lies.

I had to go to counselling because of them. I was suicidal, I would take my anger out on my family and I feel so guilty for doing that. I hated my life.

My family is a strong family. My gramp is ill, my nan is ill, my sister suffers with depression, my mum is ill, my best friend killed her self because of bullies, my 8 year old sister was bullied and my nan had to be tested for cancer this happened all this year and it had only been 3 months!

I acted like I was the happiest person on the planet, like I had the perfect life, I acted so happy for so long that I actually started to believe it my self.

Now my friends have started being mean again, calling me names, bringing my family into arguments and spreading crap about me. 

It do make me want to hurt my self and even worse kill my self but I won't already this year I have been saved from killing my self 3-4 times.

It sucks that I have to deal with this again but this time I am not going to let them put me down, I am not going to let them win. 

Even though I have lost the happy life I had before and I can't find a way to get it back I will be strong because I know that's what I have to do to carry on in this world.

My friend tweeted me saying 'your a beautiful amazing strong girl who I have complete faith in if you give up I won't be able to live with myself and I would feel beyond guilty I couldn't do anything I know your gonna be okay because your by far the strongest girl I know' she also told me that I am her inspiration. 

I feel so lucky to have her in my life.

Want to know how many of my friend have killed them selves from being bullied? 

Five five of my friends have killed them selves. That is including my best friend. She was my inspiration, she was my life, she was me. We had been through the same sort of situations as me and she couldn't fight it much longer! She didn't even say bye properly! She tweeted me saying she had given up. 

I found out about it once I had gotten home from school! She knew I couldn't reply because I was in school.

Want to know who have saved me all together? These are their twitter names.

@1Forever_1D 

@1D_Harry11

@Real_Liam_Payne

@Louis_Tomlinson

@Harry_Styles

@NiallOfficial

@zaynmalik

@onedirection

As you can see I mentioned One Direction and that is because they saved me. Things they said and done, lyrics they sing and write, them in general saved my life. They made the cuts on my wrists disappear they made me stop making scars on my body and the taught me to love me for who I am.

My friend @1Forever_1D also saved me. She inboxed me saying 'Don't make a permanent decision based on a temporary problem' that is so true. If I made a decision to commit suicide based on a problem that might not last that long then what would be the point!

And @1D_Harry11 saved me. I started speaking to her and she has made me a hell lot happier in my self and has also stopped me from saying bad things about my self which would usually put me down.

There will always be someone who can save you.

You should never kill your self, even if you are feeling low then there is always someone you could talk to about your life, day, happy times, sad times anything. Once you are gone there is no coming back, you are gone forever. You are never coming back. You are showing the bullies that they have won! Don't do that you can beat them if I can then you can!

When you cry it's not because you are weak it is because you have been strong for far too long. And tonight I have been far too strong. If the bullying gets worse I will know how to deal with it and I won't ignore it.

I can't thank you all enough for saving my life, I now understand why life is so precious.

If anyone ever needs to talk then you can ask me.

Thanks for reading. And always stay strong and never give up.