Of the things I forgot

the mountains

I don't know how long it has been. it feels like weeks. maybe it has been weeks.

I forgot, time isn't relevant, just keep moving. I can't feel my toes anymore. My fingers are stiff and cold, and I'm surprised my eyes didn't freeze shut yet.

it's so cold.

the wind is howling around me, I try to stay close to the rocks, to shield myself from the snow.

I hear the soft steps of the pony behind me, its breath, its soft neighing.

I don't know what time it is, but it must be long after noon. the tiny spot of light in the sky is almost invisible, but I try not to loose it.

I lost too many things in the storm.

"Do you think we will make it before dawn?"

the voice of my companion startles me, they have been walking behind the pony.

"I don't know."

the mountains are tall, and it took us long, too long to get across. we didn't get as far as we had planned, and our rations are shrinking.

i doubt we'll make it out alive.

even beyond the hissing and growling of the wind, I hear the crunch of stone on stone in the distance. my companion tries to see the origin of the noise as well, but the ferocious white of snow doesn't allow for much view.

"Must be the stone gigants."

we walk more quietly, and for a long time there is no noise apart from the storm, the stone, and the gigants far beyond.

the sun is setting now, it must be, because the light is fading.

there is no kind of shelter here, and another night in the cold without much of a roof (or anything for that matter) we might not survive.

"We have to keep going, until we find something. a cave, even a dent, anything to keep us safe from the wind and the snow."

i agree. dying of exhaustion may be better than dying to the snow and the cold, because then i know i tried everything i could to escape.

there may be none, but i tried.

but did it matter that i tried? because i know there is nothing but ice, snow and rocks here. did it matter to refuse, to deny the truth?

probably not.

probably it doesn't matter. i probably should just lay down here, and try to think of something nice in my last moments. home. when was it, when i last was somewhere i'd call 'home'?

it lies long behind me now.

"Hey, don't walk slower. The cold will get to you."

"i know."

"It may sound better than enduring this cold hell, but I don't want to carry on without you."

"my ability to care froze long ago."

i walk, slowly, but i walk. soon my companion is walking beside me.

it is almost dark now, the snow blue-grey, the rocks black.

few dark bushes trot past.

i don't notice.

the mountains seem to grow taller around us, i know i won't see the green hills on the other side any time soon.

if i see anything ever again.

just to sleep.

the bushes start to look a little more like bushes. not that i care much, but the pony tries to eat some of it.

the cold.

the wind.

i can't feel my face anymore, my eyes hurt from squinting so much.

the snow.

the dark.

my joints feel like frozen in place.

i trot past trees, slow, so slowly.

i stop, look at the black sky above.

there is nothing i have left to give, i know my body is going to fall apart, trying to keep me from dying.

funny how your body never seems to give up hope to stay alive.

life.

not that it matters much now.

my companion also has stopped.

for a while, nothing moves, as if frozen.

then they point somewhere off to the side, beyond the path they're on.

i don't want to look, nothing can be healing me now.

"Do you see that?"

i stay silent, watching the darkness above me.

"I think there is a hut."

for just a few more seconds they watch the thing beyond the path, then go a few steps towards it.

look back at me.

"Just for a few more steps."

they try to heave me on top of the pony, they know i won't move on my own.

just because i gave up doesn't mean they did.

i barely notice how they wade through the snow, exhausted, but driven foreward by the energy of a last hope.

the cold.

the dark.

the stones and trees.

Light.

Warmth.

Here is life.

Here is a hut.

We survived.