Against the Odds

The Rain

The rain was hitting the window, resulting in an endlessly comforting patter. The clouds were thick and gloomy. It was the middle of summer, yet the weather refused to show that. Channel 8 News claimed there was going to be storm for at least the next week or so, although it has not hit us yet. I am more than ready. For some reason, I have always found comfort in storms and cloudy weather. It isn't depressing or bad weather. Storms are the Earth's relief of stress and sadness, rain is its tears. There is always a quietness after the storm, only to be followed by the chaos of humans and the heated pressure of the sun.

The rain is getting heavier now and I am sitting all alone here in my messy apartment. Only surrounded by plants and furniture. My head aches from emptiness. My body is weak. I feel my heart giving up on me. It's just another day of longing and grief. Today, marks the ninth month Noah has been gone. Every time I close my eyes I see the bright head lights and the look in his eyes, before our last moment. We both died that Saturday evening, in his dad's car. Unfortunately, the Emergency Medical Team was able to revive me. Noah's body had been crushed immensely, without any sign of hope. I remember my mother's tears and the white walls after waking up in a hospital bed, her explaining what had happened and the hope that I could die right there. Young, I am, but I know in my heart and soul that I could never dream of a life without him. Noah was the best thing that had ever happened to me, only to be ripped away too quickly.

Here I am now. Sitting on my bed, reminiscing in the middle of July. Watering my plants and my pillows, with tears. I can't help myself. Four and a half months into antidepressants and regular therapy sessions, at the demand of my mother of course. I still talk to my best friends, Charlie and Brynn, although I've began to distance myself from them since the accident. Actually, I've distanced myself from everyone. I wish it wasn't this way, but I am not strong enough to escape it entirely.

The medication is working though, painfully slow but each day I feel the slightest bit better. Mom called the other day, she wants to fly down in August and stay awhile. I told her it was okay, but like usual, she insisted. She truly does help me out and is really trying to make her period of absence up to me, since I turned 18, so, I decided that she could stay. This week, despite this predicted storm, our local music festival announced they will be carrying out the festival. In defiance of my current state of mind, Charlie invited me to go with her. I've attended this festival since I was 4 years old and I haven't missed one since. For the past two years, Noah and I have gone together. I can't imagine going without him.. Charlie assumes that I haven't left the house in 100 years, so she didn't give me much of a choice. Honestly, I am saddened and eager to go. I definitely am not ready for the locals sympathy and questions. Although, I believe it could be a good experience for me - getting out of the house, feeling sand between my toes, being with my best friend, and indulged in the ever-so-lovely music.

Raskin, Oregon. Raskin, is the town I was raised in. It is west of Portland, where I was born, on the coast. The people here are very eco-friendly. We don't even condone the use of plastic bags at the grocery store. And it is actually unreasonable the amount of smart cars driven through town. I don't mind any of it though. I truly love the planet and wish it was better taken care of; it takes care of us and provides us with so much. Here, it is a small city, filled with art and music. Many talented musicians are from here, as well as artists. I feel like people here are more accepting, compared to the average teenage drama film taking place in the suburbs.

I love this town, but as every teenager entering adulthood I have an inner longing to be elsewhere. I still haven't left though, I decided it was best for me to take a year off from college because my injuries, internal and external. I barely finished my last nine months of high school. It was a difficult. Second semester, online school ended up being my last resort. It was nice being away from people. It was too hard to walk past his locker, go to the classes we had together, and face the people throughout the hallways.