Right With You

Prolouge

I've always wanted to get married to the point where I even fantasized about my own married life from proposal, wedding, a husband with kids, a cozy home to having life of our own with my own family.

I looked down on him seriously with his one knee on the ground holding a ring that's blinding me from its own big stone. I can see the richness of that ring even though we're meters apart.

He showed his most boyish smile while asking me the most questions I've wanted to hear in my whole life. "Selena, Will you marry me?"

Will you marry me?

I dreamt of being a wife.

I dreamt of being a mother.

I dreamt of this moment everyday.

I should be happy, right? Seeing my dream come into my real life.

Is it really okay to say yes?

Am I healed from all the things that happened between us? Is it okay for me to let go of the past and move forward with him with a new chapter, a forgiveness, a cleanse slate, with nothing but our love only?

Is it really okay?

But this is it.

This is the moment I've been dreaming.

I am happy.

I smiled giving him the answer he wanted to hear when everyone around us kept cheering for him.

"I fucking love you, Sel!" he moaned after the intense pleasure we had. I can feel his sweat as he buried his face on my neck while his hands were softly caressing my cheeks making me feel so loved. Yes, I am so loved by him.

But I can't understand myself right now. The feelings are fresh and new that I can't even process it.

It's been hours but I can't seem to sleep even though a lot of things happened in just a few hours. My body is tired and my mind can't shut everything that I'm thinking about. It's in chaos. A damn big mess.

"We haven't talked about marriage? Like for the whole 12 years that we're in a relationship... I mean, I don't know. I'm just curious what urge you to do this grand proposal out of nowhere?" I asked when he woke up as he cuddled me, putting no spaces between us.

"Then it won't be a surprise anymore, Selena!" he chuckled as he came closer to my neck showering me with lots of good morning kisses like what he always does.

"I mean, the simple open and serious talk about marriage not the proposal itself..." I said with confusion when he looked at me. Pati rin ako naguguluhan sa mga pinagsasabi ko.

"Para lang yan sa mga lalakeng walang kasiguraduhan. I know we're both sure about each other. There's no need to open that kind of talk, am I right?" he said putting a period in our conversation when he got up and left me hanging in this room.

We're both sure with each other? He knew. Alam niya kahit hindi pa niya tinatanong sa akin yung tanong na iyon, kitang kita na niya agad ang sagot.

How can he be so sure of my answer? Was he that confident at me or to his own self?

I realized in those 12 years of us being together we never had a serious talk about marriage. What type of home do we want to build? How many kids do we want to have? Are we going to have some pets? We never talked about those things. We never talked about our future together.

It's like we're just going with the flow of what life will throw at us tomorrow.

I know. I am not really the type of person who likes to plan everything from day 1 until the end of the day but I want to dream about our future together with him. A simple cuddle in a sofa talking about plans. Ganon lang naman ka-simple gusto ko.