Violent

chapter 1

'The blood we all see. Is the blood we all made, although I have yet to be seen the metal draws overseas. I am no longer human, just a person of nature, I don't understand the world and likewise the world doesn't understand me. I am purely based on imagination.'

Dear diary, well everyone, My name is Joy and I've experienced every teenage nightmare, losing friendships, suffering from popularity, and mainly stupid toxic relationships. Soon enough I figured out what I am, an asexual, I exclude myself from relationship and love, so don't expect this diary to filled with stupid crushes and shit like that. Despite my name I'm more of a cold instead of joy. The little spark that I had in me left with the rest of my past. The metal draws lines over me and the past. My therapist told me "Joy it's good to express your feelings on a diary" I want to prove her wrong, yet it's working in a way? Although I have no idea what put, do I leave a dramatic past then present update or do I just lead on either everyday life. It's stupid thinking about this, this diary knows enough about me, I bet you've even caught up on my social behaviour, I'm not normal if I'm honest. Infact I'm quite weird. My mind is apparently not "Wired" correctly, I've never understood why they placed that term in autism. I've always felt judged from that moment onward. Maybe i was fine and was lied to and now I see the world differently. I perceive everyone differently. I guess every diary needs a back story? I only ever seen it in the movies or desperate books. I'm writing all this listening to music though. It feels peaceful, and inspiring however I'm getting quite bored.. I write these stupid fanfics and for what, just to please myself? No.

My background isn't subtle. I said I don't do love now, but when I did it was a quarrel of enemies to lovers, it realistically should've stayed enemies but I guess once my life was a movie too. I made a poem about this person too. I wrote it down, and funny thing is is that I mesmerised it. Although the flower glows, I stand solid and dusted, my shine is just through their eyes, their joy is through my name, that's why we both drew blood that day, we are destined in this lifetime. Rewriting this is scary. It was violent.