The Heartstrings

Girlhood-Verena

The car was quiet, and Aiden was driving. The Axle car's were sleek, and fast, like bullets fired, and the wind was blowing in through the window beside me, and I loved it.

I loved open windows and just late night car drives. Yet with Aiden everything felt so on edge. I couldn't lean into the seat or let myself be myself. I couldn't trust him because I just hated him that much.

Yet I'm taking a ride from this bastard.

"Are you going to say something, Ms. Lee?" he broke the silence with a calm, unchanging tone, all the emotion he had earlier just drained away and he was this walking talking robot again.

"I said earlier I don't talk to traitors." I reminded him once again, we weren't going to talk, he was going to drop me off at my house, and I was going to call over the girls and chat about whatever that's happened tonight.

"Ms. Lee.." He began, his voice trailed off,
he sounded like he really wanted me to listen, or hear him out at least.

So I decided to be the bigger person and lend him an ear, thought I didn't make it obvious.

"That night, in the dorms. I didn't know my friends broke in like that and hurt you." he said and glanced at me for a second "If I had known.." he said and sighed, then cleared his throat and forced his gaze back at the road.

Something about his face just screamed pain, like he was struggling, genuinely holding back all the emotions he'd wish to pour out to me. But playing the facade of a professional CEO, he can't really do that.

"You knew. Don't lie." I said, the hurt just seeping through my words like venom, but I couldn't stop it. Unresolved pain remains as pain.

"Your chats, your calls logs, all of it. I've seen it with my own eyes. You're.. friends beat me up and almost hurt me to the point I could've never ever performed again."

"That's the point! You and me, we were framed."

"There's no we, I suffered more than you could ever imagine" I retaliate.

"See this is the problem with you," he exclaimed, I could see the helplessness in him grow. And that would usually give me a sick satisfaction, now it just hurt.

"What is?" I ask quietly, not knowing exactly what he means by his tantrum.

"You just don't.. You just don't listen." He said, his voice cold, again. Just when I thought we were opening up to each other.

"Me!?" I raised my tone, slight exasperation, the cold soft wind was the only thing saving my sanity at this point.

"I don't listen? Are you hearing yourself?"

"Yes, and I mean every word. You don't listen Verena." he announced sternly and stopped the car on the side, turning to face me.

"Look, our versions of what happened that night are very different. And I know, I should've been there to help you. To protect you. But I was—" his voice stuck in his throat, choked up almost

"Helpless, just like I am now." he whispered.

"Please don't make me feel that feeling again." he said and my breath hitched, I wanted to get out of the car and run far away, because what he was saying was too much to swallow.

He was.. helpless? What exactly does he mean by that.

Before I could speak, there it was, that cold facade again, like he we switching personalities, putting on and taking off a stupid mask of 'strength'.

The rest of the ride was tense silence, palpable and thick, so thick it could be cut with a knife.

My heart was racing, so was my mind. The possibility of that night not being what I've always believed it to be scared me. Because of what Aiden was saying was true, then I'd have been believe a lie this whole time. And I can't fathom what I'd do then.