Lumapit ang isang waitress sa akin.
"Ma'am, pasenya na po pero kailangan na po namin magsarado..." Nahihiya nitong sambit.
I sighed. "It's okay, pasensya na sa abala. Babayaran ko na lang itong in-order kong tubig." maliit na ngiti ko sa kaniya.
Sa tatlong oras kong paghihintay kay Theo, ni isang anino niya hindi ko nakita. Kahit sana man lang tumawag siya o kaya naman i-text ako na hindi na siya matutuloy, para naman kahit papaano hindi ako nagmumukhang tanga sa kakahintay sa wala.
Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko ngayon...I thought he will make up for me...
Nakita kong papalapit ang isang waitress sa akin at inabot ang aking bill.
"Here's your bill, Ma'am,"
Agad kong nilagay ang aking isangdaan.
"Thank you," I said to her.
Ngumiti naman siya at nagpasalamat. Tumayo na ako sa aking upuan at naglakad na palabas ng restaurant. Paglabas ko ay napabuntong hininga na lang ako. I hope he'll give me enough reason why he didn't make it today...
I expected him to be with me today. Maybe, I should stop expecting more from him so I won't get disappointed.
I sighed. I don't have my car nga pala since sabi niya huwag na raw akong magdala since sabay kaming uuwi. Mukhang uuwi akong mag-isa ngayon.
Kinuha ko ang aking telepono sa aking purse. Plano kong tawagan si Theo dahil nag-aalala ako sa kaniya.
I called his phone for 10 times already but his phone is busy. Why isn't he answering his phone? Is he okay?
Dahil hindi niya sinasagot ang aking tawag, nagsisimula na akong mag-alala sa kaniya. I don't know where he is...mamaya may nangyari na pala sa kaniya.
Since, I'm started to get more worried about him, I called his friend, Nico.
Wala pang 5 segundo ay sinagot na nito ang aking tawag.
"Hello, Nico?"
"Yes? Do you need something?" he asked.
"Do you know where Theo is? Hindi niya kasi sinasagot tawag ko. Nag-aalala na ako," sambit ko.
"Oh, nasabi niya sa akin kanina pupunta raw siyang park. He said that he will meet someone. I thought ikaw iyong tinutukoy niyang pupuntahan. He was kind of rushing so I thought he will meet you."
Kumunot ang aking noo dahil sa aking narinig. Park? He knows na I'm in the restaurant since siya naman nagpa-reserve non.
"What do you mean, Nico? Wala siya rito. Hindi nga siya sumipot sa date namin today."
I heard Nico cursed.
"Shit, I'll try to call him. I'll hung up the phone, Anon. I'll call you back once I get to know his locations, okay?" he worriedly said.
Where is he? Ano bang nangyayari kay Theo?
Dahil sa aking pag-aalala, kahit wala akong kotse ay handa akong hanapin siya sa mga park na mapupuntahan ko. Nagbabakasakaling mahanap ko siya roon. I'm really damn worried, Theo!
Nang dumaan ako sa unang park na nakita ko, I tried to look for him there pero walang tao. I looked at my watch, it's already 9:30 PM. It's already late pero I wouldn't be able to sleep lalo na't hindi ko siya ma-contact at makita.
My phone rang. It is Nico. I accepted the call.
"Hello, Nico? Where is he?"
"Sabi nung guard sa kumpanya ay pumunta raw siya sa Park Helena," he said.
"Okay, okay. I'll go na, Nico. Thank you so much for the help!" I thanked him.
"Ikaw lang ba mag-isa? Do you want me to go with you? It's already quarter to 10. It's dangerous for you to stroll around this late," nag-aalala niyang sinabi sa akin.
I smiled even though he cannot see it. I appreciate his offer but. "I think, I can do it alone, Nico. I don't want to bother you anymore since what you've done is already big enough to me," I said.
I heared him sighed. "Okay, I respect your choice. Call me when you need me, I'm willing to accompany you, Anon."
"Yes, Nico. Thank you."
The call ended.
Nang matapos ang tawag namin ni Nico ay hindi na ako nag atubili at pinuntahan ko na ang parke kung saan niya binanggit na naroon daw si theo.
As I was running on the road, nararamdaman ko na ang konting ambon sa aking buong katawan. Kaya mas binilisan ko ang aking takbo upang maabutan ko si Theo at hindi kami tuluyan na abutan ng malakas na ulan.
Tumigil ako sa pagtakbo nang mapalapit na ako sa parke, mabagal at mataman akong lumakad pa punta roon pero huminto ako nang may makita akong dalawang katawan na nakatayo at magkaharap sa isa't isa. Kinabahan ako, ang pagtibok ng aking puso ay unti-unting bumibilis.
Babae at lalaki ito. I'm very familiar to the man physique. Even though I am far from them, I can definitely say that it is theo. He's wearing his office outfit. I know him so well, and so bad. It ache my heart seeing him here with someone I also truly know.
So... this is his reason why he didn't make it to our date? Did he forgot about it or I'm just really not his priority? I-I mean, I-I was never chosen by him, right?
While I was watching them together. I saw Alexa reached for his hands and she put it in her face, letting his huge hand caressed her face. I saw how Alexa eyes closed. It's like she longed for his presence... his love... She's still in love with him...
Theo, look at her blankly, but I can see how he longed for her too... I-It was his first l-love anyway...
My eyes are starting to build up some tears. This is fucking so painful to watch. I was so damn worried about him but I ended up being in this situation. Ang sakit! Ang sakit-sakit kasi mahal ko siya. I was willing to love him kahit alam kong may mahal siyang iba.
Nagsimula nang bumagsak ang ulan kasabay nang pagbuhos ng aking luha sa aking mata.
Napatuoptup ang aking bibig nang makita kong niyakap ni Theo si Alexa ng mahigpit na para bang ayaw niya na itong bitawan pa...
Lord... please! Please! take this pain away. It's so painful! I can't afford to see this anymore...
Nasa gitna ako ng daan, umiiyak, miserable, basang-basa. Nanghihina ako... para bang nawalan na ako ng lakas para tumayo. I can't even explain the pain that I'm feeling right now. It suffocating me. Hindi ko malunok ang sarili kong laway para bang may nakaharang na bato sa aking lalamunan. The more I try the more it's starting to get painful.
Ang mga luha ko ay patuloy parin bumubuhos. Para bang alam ng langit na masasaktan at iiyak ako kaya dinamayan ako nito ng ulan. Somehow, I feel that rain helps me to cover up the tears and pain that I am feeling right now.
Tiningnan kong muli ang dalawang tao na sumira ng aking puso. Naroon parin sila... magkayakap parin. Ninanamnam ang bisig ng isa't isa. I've never seen theo being like this. He was kind, he was nice to me, he knows and I know that what we have for each other is purely for business. Maybe, he never see me as women that he will marry. I may be his fiance, but I don't own his heart.
Kasalanan ko siguro ito, siguro kung hindi dahil sa akin baka sila na ngayon. Siguro kung hindi ko pinilit ang sarili ko sa kaniya, may tyansa pa siyang balikan si Alexa. Kasalanan ko talaga na minahal ko siya.
I'm tired... I'm tired of trying to make him love me! Pagod na ako... hindi ko na kaya.
I guess, this will be the last. I will l-let him go...
Tumayo ako
