It's Called Love (New, Elongated Version)

Two

One thing you must know about Hilda is that she is absolutely stubborn. She detests people telling her what to do, it always feels like her life is spiralling out of her control, so it was nothing new that she had scoffed at John's word even though she knew he was right. Still, it wasn't any of his damn business.

"And how is that any of your business?" She scoffed

"Hilda, let's stop arguing for now and focus on things that are important. You and I both know that getting a job is the most important thing for you right now".

"And the job I have? Does it look like I'm playing to you?"

"Hilda-"

"Fuck, I'm fed up with all your controlling bullshit!"

"Hilda, shut your damn mouth, be normal and listen for a second!" Rachel raged while John tiredly massaged his temple.

"Oh please! I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not normal. I'm sorry I freak out  when you do this and when it feels like my life is spiralling out of my control!"

"It doesn't have-"

"You know what? Fuck it!" John thundered, slapping his hand heavily on the table, successfully silencing the arguing duo. " I don't care. I'm gonna talk, you're gonna listen, do what I ask you to do and this shit will be over!" There was finally silence. "Good. Take this," he said, passing an address to Hilda, who begrudgingly accepted it. "It's my boss's address. His son just came back from Spain and isn't good in English. He wants to hire a teacher who can teach him the language for the space of the three months he will be here. You go to the address on Monday to discuss your schedule and other things and start the work next week. The pay is pretty good, at least in my opinion, it's almost three times more than that of your current job. That's it, no room for  discussion." then he stormed out of the room while Rachael sighed and quickly went after her husband.

Hilda couldn't explain how she was feeling so she left the house, wandering aimlessly around her community until she felt that all thoughts has been expelled from her head leaving nothing but a daunting emptiness. She got back home feeling completely worn out and went to bed dragging her tired bones drifting off to the dreamland full off unknowns and quietly accepting any new nightmare it could think of.

    ***

The next morning, Hilda woke up feeling extremely groggy and pensive with pain in each of her joint, a consequence of tiring herself out before going to bed. The pain in a head felt several times more than any hangover headache could feel, probably resulting from how much work her brain did during the night feeding her nightmares instead of resting peacefully. This is how her mornings has always been for years. It has always consisted of her dealing with the aftermath of the nightmares she had all through the night, bearing and recovering from the pain that comes with those dreams.

Some mornings, she wondered what on earth she was doing alive. It felt too tiring living this way. And if she had been just half an inch braver than she currently was, she would have put an end to her miserable life herself. It's a pity that all her cowardly nature could allow her to do is inscribing scars on her own body, nothing more than that.

Still overwhelmed with the lingering fear that came with her nightmare, she moved her sore and aching body which had no trace of the rest she supposedly had the whole night and went to wash up. Staring at her tear stained cheek, red and swollen eyes and a overall pale and lean body, she felt discouraged. Sometimes, her own look made her feel so nauseated that she wondered how Rachel and her husband had managed to put up with her for this long.

Hilda had no dream and no purpose in life. She just wanted not to survive and stop hurting. And if she wasn't so cowardly that she dared not take the last step in ending her own life, the name Hilda Wilson would have long remained an history, a past, someone who once existed. But because of her cowardly nature, she still dragged her worn out and exhausted body and mind and kept on living, just like a zombie, neither alive nor dead, just in-between, feeling indescribable pain each day that she had started to reek of pain, anger and agony.