If it Keeps On Raining

prologue

On May 21, I got a call from James. I hadn't heard from him in almost a year and a half, but he called me and started to tell me all about this new band he has going. He told me he lives in Philadelphia now, and that he thinks it's much better from LA, where we both went to high school together. The last time i saw him, he was growing his hair out and looking for bands to play in. He'd been in at least four that you'd heard from him about, and now he was going on over the phone about this new one that's supposedly gonna take off. 

"that's great james, i'm happy to hear it."

"i'm telling ya now, lou. it's gonna be big." i could visualize his smile, wide as the sun. he always smiled when he was talking about music in general. it was his passion, if nothing else.

"well... i wish you all the luck. it was good to hear from you." i bit on my finger, starting to tune out his voice saying his quick goodbyes before hanging up. i hadn't told him that i'd moved out of my parents home since we last talked. i didn't get to tell him about the apartment i was sharing with my shitty roommates, a girl in her late 20s named gabriella and her different boyfriends, that seemed to change monthly. i tried to look on the bright side, that the two of them made it a lot easier for me to afford living in LA. but by god, it was some hell. and my job wasn't all that much better. i was working at a restaurant, like many other girls my age in the area who had gotten away from their small hometowns to try and make it in the city. it was quick money, for the most part, though i get treated like shit most of the time. it wasn't terrible. but its pretty lonely. gabriella thought of me as a burden, i was always interrupting, and even though she had been looking for a roommate, she acts like i am living in her apartment rent free. she pays no mind to the fact that i work day in day out to pay a third of her bills. the girls i worked with were alright, but most of them were bitter. we were stuck, and we all hated our boss. it was our one common value, but it didn't much help me connect with them. I came home from work each day and slumped down into my bed, maybe had food, and watched tv until i passed out. sometimes i wished someone was there to talk to. it used to be james, but that was a while ago, when he was still living around here. as soon as he was able to get away from home, he did. and he didn't seem to care too much about leaving anything behind, including me. he had wanted a different life, and that's what he was getting. at least from what i had heard. 

a few days after i had gotten the call from james, i'd had a screaming match with gabriella. it was the worst we'd ever fought, and it was all about the guy that was living with us. she'd brought home her latest male companion, daniel, last week. it hadn't even been a week before i was absolutely losing my shit at the sudden change, despite being used to it. most of gabriella's boyfriends paid little mind to me at all, but daniel was different. daniel was an asshole, not just to gabriella, but also to me. and unlike gabriella, i wasn't going to tolerate the piece of trash that he is treating me like shit. but as soon as i started defending myself, gabriella stepped in and defended him. instead of me. and that's when i knew it wasn't going to work anymore. i didn't know what to do. i had to move out somewhere else, but the only other option was to return home, and it was barely an option. so during the time in the night where everything's quiet again, and i've already got a bad headache from the hangover guaranteed to really hit me the next morning, i called james again. he was my only real option. at first, he was just confused at why i'd called. he didn't seem worried, only tired.

"what did you say?"

"i'm moving out." i repeated for the third time he'd asked. he must've been asleep and possibly also drunk on the other end of the line.  

"from your parents house? well, it's about time." i remembered i'd never caught him up.

"no, no, i live in this apartment with a couple roommates. i can't take it anymore james, i don't know what to do." i explained drunkenly. there was a pause of silence over the phone.

"oh, well..." his words were drawn out. a response seemed to come to him in the form of an offer that i didn't know how to refuse. "...gosh, why don't you come live over here?" 

"are you kidding?"

"what?" he asked cluelessly, implying that clearly he wasn't kidding. not right now, at least. god knows what condition he was in, but it certainly didn't phase me to question that, considering i myself was half awake and sitting crouched up in a ball on the floor by the telephone, old tears staining my face. 

"well..." i had nothing else prepared to say, i had not ever considered his suggestion as a possibility. it took me two seconds to decide, but i didn't know if i should've told him. "alright. if you promise."

"okay... are you gonna go to sleep know?" he asked, sounding miserable and exhausted. i hung up the phone and stood up slowly, using the countertop for support. gabriella walked into the kitchen slowly  with silent footsteps, contrasting the clicking her typical stilettos made during the day and night when she usually was dressed to impress. i jumped a little, frightened at first by her sudden appearance. we stood still, eye contact more present than i could ever recall. 

"i'm going to move out." i stated softly, almost in a threatening tone. her lips pressed into a line, she waited a minute before speaking.

"where will you go?" she asked condescendingly, with a straight face. 

"it doesn't matter, i'll be out of your hair." i walked past her, voice quiet, but still cutting through the dead air. i went to my bedroom and fell into my bed, falling asleep the minute my head hit my pillow. 

LA is just a lonely, empty city that hides  the empty extremely well. 

my last thoughts i remembered from that night were hopes of Philadelphia being different.