Loving You In the Dark

Chapter 8 - Listen With the Heart

 I gripped the leather centre console tighter; the uncomfortable sweat from my palms intensifying. I reverted my stare away from Samuel's face and my eyes switched to my dashboard. 

"Go home," my warm breath tickling my nose as I spoke to him. My tone signified it wasn't a request, it was a subtle command. "Just go home, Samuel," I repeated, still feeling his wary presence next to me, and the unwavering heat in the air between us.

"I'm not drunk; I'm quite sober actually," He responded, his voice too cool and smooth.

"It's not about you being in the right state of mind," I spat back bitterly. "Plus, if you weren't drunk you wouldn't ask me that," 

"Still doesn't change how much I wanna kiss you though," There was a hesitant pause, as if letting the awkwardness sink in more. "You never answered my question yesterday: Do you like me in any way, Sebastian?"

"Get out of my car... please," I had meant for my demand to sound more assertive and clear, but to my ears, it just sounded like a small, pleading mumble under my breath. 

I leaned against the inside of my car's door, my pale neck stretching and one of my palms supporting the weight of my head. Every steady breath was fought for, furiously and laboriously trying to keep each inhale and exhale paced with each other. 

"I won't even open this door if you don't answer me," Samuel murmured in a voice heavy with desperation with a noticeable twinge of anger, "All I'm asking for is clarification: do you like me in any way, yes or no?" 

I felt as if my heart was threatening to leap out of my body; as if it was caught inside my throat attempting to choke me. I forced every fibre in my body to look into Samuel's gray orbs, swallowing me whole. I took in the gleaming sheen from the moonlight off his eyes, tattooing it into my brain. 

Tears suddenly stung the corners of my eyes, and my much-weakened confidence let them fall down my cheeks, wet and uncomfortable. My skin was used to water; chlorinated water specifically, but not tears.

But as quickly as the tears fell down from my eyes, I felt Samuel's warm hand gently wipe them away, caressing my skin with his calloused palms. Not only did Samuel wipe my tears, he had wiped my fears, my insecurities, my uncertainties, and my total need for everything to be perfect. For once, I finally felt humane to fall apart at the seams, to lean on someone, to let down my walls, with him.

I couldn't even catch myself before lunging at him, my lips colliding with pure softness and utter happiness. I couldn't even stop myself from swinging my legs over his body; straddling him with my legs on each side of his hip. Every movement felt automatic; as if planned for, but I had no experience; the only thing that was leading me now was my heart and my feelings... for the man in front of me with the gray eyes: Samuel Ashington.

If I kissed him hard; he kissed back even harder, not even allowing a breath between the two of us to be shared. As my hands tousled his black curls, his hands explored my skin like a savage, searching every nook and cranny of my body and heaving my shirt up. 

Pulling away from his body, I caught a glimpse of his hungry and eager stare, but instead of feeling anxious, confused, and scared; oddly enough it felt enticing and exciting. "Sebastian, tell me when you want to stop, before I can't," He said, his warm breath tickling my neck before gently kissing it. As if a monster had been awakened inside of him, his teeth sunk into my skin, marking it while caressing the spot softly with his tongue. A weird and foreign sound escaped from my lips, but yet it felt strangely inviting to Samuel's ears, I noticed. His pupils dilating and having an even more ravenous hunger for my neck, specifically.

As much as my brain persisted that such behaviour was extremely inappropriate, dishonorable, and completely unforgivable by my parents (even more so because I did it in my dad's old car), I craved for more. For one unforgettable night, I wanted to dispose of the perfect life that I had and throw away my meticulous thinking to enjoy my time with Samuel. "I want you, Samuel. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize... but—"