The Death Penalty.

Eight - Dave.

DAY 4.

Another miserable day was ending. I checked the time again like I've been doing throughout the entire day. It was seven in the evening which meant that my horrible life would be over in less than three days. At first, I was scared. I didn't want to die, I did not want to lose everyone or experience the pain of death. Next, I was worried. Discovering what people had to say about me made me doubt if I'd actually make it to heaven. Judging by their confessions, I'd say God – if He really is real because I don't know what to believe at this point– wouldn't even want to see my shadow in heaven. Hearing those horrible accusations put me in denial at first, but staying alone made me reflect a lot. Especially about Dave. I realized that I was a horrible person. The person I feared of becoming is who I became and I don't know who to blame. Truthfully, I'm tired of putting blame on people... on God.

The final feeling is numbness. I feel nothing. Nothing about dying, nothing about losing my friends, nothing about losing Dave again... I just feel nothing. I've accepted that my horrible life will soon be over. About eternity, I don't want to believe in religion again because if I do, then it means that I am doomed. If I do, it means accepting eternal damnation. I don't want that.
There's some part of me that wishes I had another chance to change. Maybe, I'd leave religion and just be who I was. A person who was loved by her sister, by Margaret, by Dave especially. Maybe I would have told mom to shut it with her judgement and leave us in peace.

I sighed.

It's too late for that now.

***
DAY 5.

"You have a visitor." A guard on the other side of the door announced. My heart skipped a bit as I recalled the outcomes of my last visits. They've all been bad, and honestly, I'm not ready to hear anything that could make me feel worse. I accept that I've been horrible but I ask for mercy from more heartaches. I'll be gone in a few days, all I ask is for everyone to leave me alone.

Despite my worry, I glanced at my attire for the day which was, as usual, folded neatly on the table. I don't know the person responsible for choosing my outfits, but they're good. The choice was simple. A white long-sleeved turtle neck shirt, a black and grey plaid vest, a black mini skirt to match and a pair of black boots. It was cute but I didn't like the fact that I'd be wearing black. I already feel crappy, I don't have to wear it for everyone to know.

I took extra time in the bathroom. I don't know why I dolled up in the little way I could, I don't know why I made my nails look more presentable. I'm not sure what made me do that but I didn't regret it. I felt better all dressed up. I was even tempted to put on a little make-up, but there was none provided for me.

I wanted to stay in the bathroom forever, but I didn't want to keep my visitor(hopefully harmless) waiting any longer, so I stepped out begrudgingly. The feeling I had when I stepped out was beautiful. The air was so fresh that I wished I didn't pack my hair into a tight bun. On the bright side, I was so fresh and I smelled great. When was the last time I had such a refreshing shower?

Besides that, I also felt slightly guilty for delaying the visitor. The guard led me to the college's soccer field. I was surprised for I hadn't been in this part of the school for a while. It took me to memories of Dave. I smiled bitterly as I recalled all the times I'd watch his games. My voice was always the loudest whenever he scored and I never missed a game, but after the separation, I completely avoided this area.

"Just like you to keep me waiting." My heart skipped a beat as I recognized the voice and I swiftly turned around – my eyes widening – to meet Dave. He had a smug grin on as he saw my reaction. Dave?! He's the visitor?

"Why so pale?" His wide smile dropped after noticing that my expression didn't become any friendlier and he moved a bit closer to me. Immediately, I stepped back, diverting my gaze.