Enough

001

Ahira Je'nae Smith 23
POV

Jumping up out my sleep due the bad dream I just had trying to calm my self down I head rain hitting the window and the loud sound of thunder , getting up out of the bed making my way to the kitchen for a glass of water once I got my water I went to the bathroom reached up and opened the medicine cabinet searching for my anxiety pills.

Closing the cabinet looking at myself in the mirror as I took the pills thinking would I ever be able to move on from this? Could I ever be happy again? So much was running through my mind I've been having these dreams for the pass three months. Having to relive the night hunts me but this time felt different the fact that my baby told me I didn't protect her made me feel weak she was only 3.

I was a single parent her dad didn't want anything to do with us since he was married and already had 4 kids with his wife it hurts me because we was dating for 4 years he never mentioned to me that he was married not once. I only found out the night my baby died which was 5 months ago.

Callling him back to back to let him know what was going on and a lady answered the phone I was in panic so I asked for him telling her it was so important that I talk to him, 45 minutes later he pulled up to the scene asking me what happened and why I kept calling his phone. I told him we got into an accident and Amiyah passed away ...... Andrew looked at me blankly and asked "that's the reason you have been blowing up my phone? Don't call my phone anymore your making my wife upset"  walking away he went back to car leaving me there stuck and in shock.

2 months later I've been doing a lot better just keep having dreams about the situation I miss my baby so much each and everyday but I know it takes a day at a time . Checking the time seeing that it was 6:15am I started getting ready for my therapy session which was at 9:45am I showered, Brushed my teeth , did my face routine , putting on my coco butter lotion finally deciding to do some curls in my fresh sew in I just got 3 days okay checking the time again it was 7:52am slipping on my clothes deciding to wear something comfy and cute today just some white  joggers and a cute green and black hoodie from H&M and my black ugg boots .

After grabbing my purse and making sure everything was in there such as my wallet charger ,I sprayed some of my Vanilla perfume on me heading to my 2020 Nissan Maxima putting in my gps to my therapist office which was only 15 minutes away but before heading there I stopped at McDonald's to get me a hash brown and strawberry banana smoothie once I got my food i started heading that way for my appointment. Once I got there I've decided to just sit in my car till it was time for me to go in 25 minutes later .

Finally leaving after being there for 2 hours , I feel a lot better being told what I was dealing with is normal and it's apart of grieving and it's gonna get worst before it gets better and to take thing one day at a time . Now I'm on my way to work at footlocker's my first job I  was the manager here having to be here from 11am till closing was a easy shift for me since I work at the hospital Monday -Friday 11pm-7am and only work at foot locker's on my days off . Working a lot has help me stay focused as well and not be able to deal with any emotions or stress , getting out the car walking into the mall thinking about what ima eat on my break already and I just got here ,making my way towards footlocker once I entered I went straight to the back to clock in I didn't see anybody when I came in so I'm guessing everybody in the back .

Once I pushed through the double doors to the back I see my coworkers Erin & my best friend Ya'raisja  . I've known yaya for 3 years now everytime I needed something she was there for emotional support and it's vice versa. " Heey stanky butt , I missed you " she said  Girl you just seen me yesterday but I missed you too yaya why y'all here so early . " Erin bitch ass called a meeting which you didn't show up to " she said .she ain't texted me nor told me about no meeting what time y'all had to be here ? . "Girl 7:15 that's what I'm not understanding the damn store don't even open till 11 tf we here so early for " she said . Girl I'm not even stunned that messy bitch she don't like me for shit ever since Howard made a manager her ass been picking and doing weird shit , fuck her though we gotta open these door that line long asf and I gotta do 3 interviews todays see you when I come back from the back pooh I said already walking off going into the managers office seeing that my first interview starts at 1:15 the rest was at 2:30 and 3:45 looking at the time was already 12:53 so I decided to just start preparing for it got my note book out with the questions I was ready to ask , list availability's to see what their availability would look like .