Don't we deserve better?: Clexa Fanfiction

You let them burn.

*This is what I think should have happened after the kiss* 

"And you're willing to risk everything on that? On your feelings?" Lexa said, staring down her nose at the blonde. Her voice was mocking, making Clarke angrier by the second. "Yes." Clarke replied, "You say having feelings makes me weak. Well, you're weak for hiding from them." With that, Lexa took a deep breath, trying to remind herself that she was a leader, a queen in her own right, that she shouldn't get angry at the words of some girl who had no understanding, no idea about what her title really meant. When clouds in her thoughts began to dissipate, Clarke was saying "I might be a hypocrite, Lexa, but you're a liar." And within seconds, Clarke was advancing on her, growing closer in proximity than Lexa could prepare herself for. What was Lexa to do other than back away? Being a commander, she should have been ready to shove Clarke onto the ground, to break the alliance simply because of her tone. But how was she supposed to be tough when she could hardly breathe? 

"You felt something for Gustus," Clarke spat in a low, angry whisper. "You're still haunted by Costia," As Clarke grew closer and closer, Lexa knew she probably should have been pissed right then. Instead, she only helplessly stared at the lips of this fierce Sky Princess and pray that she wouldn't come any closer. "You want everyone to think you're above it all, but I see right through you." Clarke stared into Lexa's eyes with a certain fire that Lexa could only think to applaud in her head. She'd only seen this amount of ferocity aimed toward her in war, when her opponents only task was to kill her or to maim her. But, Clarke? She brought something new to the table. Nobody had ever backed her into a corner like this, not even Costia. Why couldn't she say a word to her? Why couldn't she do anything when it came to Clarke? Lexa had no clue.  All she knew right then was that if Clarke didn't move right now, she couldn't be held responsible for her actions. 

Her voice shaky, but determined, Lexa angrily told Clarke to leave. But instead of obeying her orders like any other would have done, Clarke fiercely reminded her of the 250 people who died at her hands. "You let them burn," Clarke whispered. And before Lexa could choose her words wisely, she was admitting that she cared. Obviously surprising Clarke, whom Lexa was sure thought that she was nothing more than an unreasonable savage that cared of nothing besides herself. 

It was after Lexa told Clarke that she couldn't trust that Octavia wasn't a threat, and Clarke angry walked away that Lexa was finally able to breathe again. How was she going to fix it this time? She'd made Clarke angry before, but this seemed bad. Not that she fully remembered what happened. Lack of oxygen from holding her breath made all but Clarke's lips and her golden hair and her soft skin fuzzy in her mind. Defeated, Lexa stared up at the sky, wishing she could drop dead right then. 

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"You sent for me." Clarke said plainly, her eyes both tired and ready for another fight if need be. Taking a deep breath, Lexa quietly confirmed this. "Octavia has nothing to fear from me," she whispered. Obviously surprised by this, Clarke shifted her weight onto her other leg almost uncomfortably. She'd been expecting another fight.  "I do trust you, Clarke." Lexa said, her eyes unable to meet Clarke's. It was only now that Clarke realized how much Lexa trusting her mattered to her. 

"You think our ways are harsh, but it's how we survive." Lexa said unapologetically. Clarke looked into her eyes, "Maybe life should be about more than just surviving," she sighed. "Don't we deserve better than that?" Her eyes fell to the table beside her, and Lexa longed to hold her closer and take everything Clarke had seen away from her mind. Clarke was too beautiful and kind for this kind of torture on her soul. She didn't deserve to have to have the weight of her people on her back. She didn't deserve to have so much blood on her hands. She didn't deserve these battle scars, this pain, these memories. She deserved nothing more than days filled with laughter and nights of pleasure. Lexa had no doubt in her mind that she could  give her everything she deserved if Clarke only asked for it.  

"Maybe we do," Lexa whispered. Clarke looked up at her, searching her eyes for a solution that she couldn't seem to find. But as Lexa leaned in to kiss her, Clarke had nothing to worry about. Lexa already knew. Her lips collided with Lexa's like the ark collided with the ground. Holding her in her arms, Lexa thought she knew exactly what her purpose in life really was. For so long, she had wrongly thought that her purpose was to only serve her people, to lead them, to protect them. But as she stood here now, kissing this fiery blonde...she knew her purpose was to serve her. 

Clarke pulled away, and for a second, Lexa was sure she'd ruined everything. But instead, Clarke's eyes were sparkling as she breathed. There was a second where Lexa became confused about Clarke's motives in that moment, but this quickly faded as Clarke nearly shoved her into the table behind them. She patted the edge and Lexa jumped up onto it. Within mere seconds, Clarke found her place between her thighs, kissing her like she was oxygen deprived and Clarke was saving her. As Lexa ran her fingers through Clarke's hair, she knew that Clarke very well could have been giving her life right then, healing her lungs of all the darkness they'd consumed. 

Lexa pulled away for a moment, and stared at Clarke, trying to capture this moment in her mind forever.

There was something so alluring about the way Lexa looked at Clarke right then. As if Clarke were a goddess, worthy of being worshiped. She got down from the table and dropped down onto her knees, taking Clarke's hand and kissing it softly. As she looked up at her, Clarke felt delirious. This felt like nothing she'd ever experienced before. Nothing like the passionate kisses Finn once gave her that made her smile to herself. Nothing like how he used to touch her, how she used to feel when he was around her. No, this felt celestial. This felt like her entire life was leading up to this moment. She breathed slowly then, her gaze unwavering from the once high and mighty commander that now kneeled before her. But before she had the chance to say another word, the sounds of Lexa's people raged outside her tent and the two girls knew that this moment was over. 

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