"How do I say I miss you in a way that will make your heart ache as mine does?"
Cüneydım!
Zeynep said slowly like she was whispering to herself. Her heart was aching with his little sobs. The only thing she hated in this world was seeing Cüneyd crying and he just cry near her. He was too scared to cry in front of others and she don't want him to cry. She wants to take his all pain away. But it was not so much easy as she thought. Instead of helping him and going back to him she decided to leave and fulfil her dreams. And she did. She left him for her dreams but the one corner in her body never felt happiness for anything that she achieved. That one corner in her body always missed him. Missed him like crazy. She tried to make friends in France and become social but it didn't help her at all. That one corner always scolded her for leaving him. And now that one corner was sobbing along with Cüneyd. Was my fault so big that you didn't even look back again Zeynep! Tearful words hit her ears and she felt her whole being break apart. He was crying. He was grazing. He was broken. He was remorseful.... And Zeynep.... Zeynep stood like an ice statue.
Without any movement, without any emotion, she was statue holding a bowl of rice. She never thought about the destruction she was going to make in his life. She did it for their better lives but turns out that she just lost some beautiful years from their lives. When Cüneyd kicked her out from his house, then instead of waiting for him to come and take her back; Zeynep went to France with Levent and her mother. Her mother, married levent there and she and Mira lived together. With knowing the reality that Mira is her twin sister, Zeynep accepted her fate and destiny.
Her dad divorce her mother without any reason or maybe there was a reason but she never thought of asking her mother. The only thing she thinks about was Cüneyd.... In free time, at lunch, before sleeping, at breakfast, in friends group..... She learnt him in these four years. She just wanted to go back and get him again. Life was so hard without him and she realised it after going away from Turkey.
She realised that there was no more burden on her shoulder. She turned back and saw that Cüneyd wasn't in the kitchen. He left, but to where? She needs to know that. She don't want him to leave the house at night. Cüneyd! She called out but no response. She went towards the lounge. He wasn't there. Cüneyd Effendi! She called out again while almost climbing the stairs when he headed downstairs. Yes, Zeynep? He said normally. She saw that his eyes were no more teary and face was washed too. She sighed softly. I... I made the dinner, let's eat! She said slowly while gesturing towards the kitchen.
He looked at her hand and then towards the kitchen. Cüneyd looked back at her hand them then looked down. He slowly nodded and started going downstairs. Zeynep gave him the space to go first.
He sat on the chair and started filling her plate while she was still on her way towards the kitchen. Cüneyd I can't eat so much... She said slowly while looking at so much food in her plate. You have to, Your face has become like a fleshless skeleton. Cüneyd said taking out bread for her. He was still avoiding looking at her. Zeynep also did not try to ask anything. She started eating her food calmly. Cüneyd also bent over his plate. You sleep in the room upstairs! Cüneyd said while eating. And you? He asked, biting her lower lip. I'll sleep in the other room! He replied while moving spoon in his rice plate. Can't we sleep in the same room? Zeynep asked angrily. Being in France had given her enough confidence to talk to her husband without hesitation. Cüneyd had kept his distance before and was still keeping it. Why? What do you get by sharing a room with a person like me? Cüneyd said taking a bite from rice. I left France and came here to Istanbul for you! Zeynep gently hit the table and said. Cüneyd frowned and looked at the table and then at her face. The expression on her face demanded an answer. You should not have come to Istanbul for me! Cüneyd said in a soft but stern tone.
So you were coming to France to pick me up? She said sarcastically. Cüneyd saw her. He looked at her for a moment then took a deep breath and asked. Why do I come to France to pick you up? Zeynep saw the expression on his face for a few moments. Those expressions were cold. The person sitting in front of her did not look like a human being but a statue. Because you kicked me out of this house. Because you were the reason I went to France. Because when Baba divorced mom, we had no support. Because I had to make someone else my father because we had no mahram. Because I was alone all these years. Because I didn't have the courage to stand on my feet. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were red. A few tears were swimming in her eyes and one was running down her face.
She was normalizing herself by taking long breaths. She had placed the fists of both hands on the table. She was holding herself back from saying anything more. Cüneyd was silent. He heard her in silence. He only felt more of his sorrow. But he did not try to look at the other side of the mirror. He had never tried to find out how Zeynep was doing. The human being now sitting in front of him was very different from the girl he had married.
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