Try Again

Chapter 2

Waking up the next morning I didn't want to get out of bed. I knew that as soon as I got out of bed I would have to face the truth. I would need to talk to Ryder. I knew I was going to have to ask him the question I should've asked months ago. But instead I laid in bed thinking about the past.

I never believed in love at first sight, but then I met him. When we met four years ago it was like my world had just started spinning. The first time I looked into his eyes I thought that he was my soulmate. I am as in love with him as the first time we said it to each other maybe more.

I remember when we first said I love you to each other. We had been dating for four months but we had known each other for over a year. I was terrified to say it first. What if he didn't love me back? I didn't even mean to say it at first. We were laying on my couch watching a movie. We were holding each other and he started tickling me. Through my laughter I said it. He stopped for a minute. It felt like I could feel and hear my heart beating. I felt stupid and humiliated. I went to get up but he pulled me back down. He looked me in the eyes and said it was a smile on his face.

Where did we go wrong that I was sitting in bed not wanting to talk to him. I already knew the answer to my question. Which is why I didn't want to face him. I knew that I needed to rip off the bandaid. I got out of bed and walked into the living room. There he was sitting on the couch on his phone.

He looked up from his phone and saw me standing there. "Hey" he said.

"Hi" I replied.

"Look I'm really sorry about last night. I totally forgot and the guys wanted to hang out. I'll make it up to you another day I swear." He said

I didn't know what to say. I needed to rip off the bandaid. "It's fine" I replied. No it's not what am I saying.

"I'm glad you understand" He says as he goes back on his phone.

I don't understand. Rip off the bandaid Aria. I take a deep breath " Ryder we need to talk" I say

"Okay about what" he says.

"I'm need to ask you a question and you need to promise you'll be honest with me no matter how you think it'll make me feel." I say.

"Okay" he says.

"You need to promise" I say. Promising is something we've done since the beginning of our relationship. It means a lot to the both of us. When we promise something we do the best to never break that promise.

"I promise" he says.

"Do you still love me?" I ask.

"Yes" he says.

"Are you still in love with me?" I ask

He takes a moment to think and that gives me all I need to know

"I don't know" he says.

"If you don't know if you're still in love with me that means you're not."

"How do you know that?" he asks.

"Because if you were to ask me if I was still in love with you I would know that I am" I say. I take another deep breath. "If you were in love with me there would be no doubt in your mind. It shouldn't be something you have to think about." I say. I could feel the tears come to my eyes but I wouldn't cry in front of him.

He's quiet for what feels like an eternity. "I guess I don't then" he says.

Those words made my world stop spinning. "I guess we're done then" I say.

I went to turn around so I could cry in peace. "Wait" he says. Please let him say that he wants to try and work it out. I felt a little bit of hope. "We have an extra room. So do you mind if I continue to stay here until I can find another place?" he says. Any hope that I had is once again gone.

"Yeah that's fine" I say walking to our bedroom. Well I guess it's just my bedroom now.