It's complicated

THE ENGAGEMENT

Ceren's POV

Today is my engagement day, I don't know how I feel about this last night I had a talk with Nedim and it did not end well.

Flashback.

I was downstairs I just had a conversation with Seniz and my mother about the engagement preparations, they just left and I was packing our last minute plans when the door opened I didn't pay attention I heard footsteps getting closer to the dining table where I was standing, I felt his presence I smelt his scent immediately. “ You really doing this ” he finally says, acknowledging himself his presence “ what do you want me to do, what do you want me to say Nedim ” I say getting a little pissed at his question “ I don't know, the truth maybe?” He's being sarcastic “ This isn't a joke Nedim, okay? This is serious the whole families are involved in this,they are invested in this marriage ” “ what difference does it make Ceren, you still be married to a Karacay even if it's me, right?” he doesn't understand “ Cenk is the heir of the Karacay's...so yeah Nedim it's different...very different ” I turn again to the table, fumbling with the papers I hear his footsteps he's getting closer, I felt him behind me he leans to my ear “ But I know it's different for us too ” he whispers, his hands trace from my hips up to my waist he pulls me towards him, I release a heavy breath “ I know you feel it, take a chance with me ” he starts kissing my neck, I expose my neck he traces kisses on my neck “ Nedim” his name came out in a breathy moan “mhh?” I turn around and look at him “ what are we doing,this is getting out of hand ” I say trying to control my heavy breathing “ do want me to stop?” I nod my head, but respond to his kisses “ use your voice Ceren, other wise I can't trust your answer ” he's looking at me our eyes locked “ I'm sorry but I can't do this” I say gently pushing his shoulders for space “ but I can see you want this you want me as much as I want you ” he makes move to come closer I put my hands on his chest preventing him coming closer “ we can't always have what we want, Nedim we'll just have to cope with what we have... what we are offered ” I was about to leave he holds my arm “ Ceren, what if we can't cope...in fact I can't cope seeing you with him ” I pull my arm gently from his grip “ then I don't know Nedim, try harder ” I left, I couldn't hold my tears anymore I went upstairs and sobbed to sleep.

End of flashback

Ceren's POV

But I'm over it now, I'm getting engaged today and I should focus on that. My mom knocks on my door “ dear are you ready yet?” “ yes mama come inside ” she walks in looks at me “ wow my child you are so beautiful, oh my beautiful child ” she's kissing my cheeks, I'm going to cry “ oh mama stop you going to make me cry ” I say “ I know what you are doing for the family might be hard on you, but I'm proud of the decisions you've made, and I know there was someone in your life and you sacrificed your happiness for the family ” I'm shocked she knew that “ I-I don't know what you are talking about ” I say stuttering “ it's okay I know the was someone present, I saw how you acted you were happier ” “ Then if you saw I was happier mama why did you let me do this ” I feel betrayed “ Ceren, calm down daughter okay...” “ I'm not going to calm down, you as my mother knew what I was secretly going through but you didn't show support or love, you let me deal with this alone when you could have been a shoulder to cry on ” I say, tears running down my cheeks to say the I'm hurt “ ... but it's whatever right I'm already here deep in side, if you could excuse me mother I need to finish up ” “ Ceren ” “ MOTHER!, please just give me space” she left, I can't believe this.