Murder in the Dark

hate you more.

                  TW: mention of sh

i woke up feeling like shit. i had been thinking about Juliette and matt all night, so i couldnt sleep. i feel incomplete with out them. but juliette is trying to steal my boyfriend. and she knows how much he means to me. hes my everything. i cant lose him. i texted him good morning this morning but he just left me on read.

tears sting my eyes. "fuck i cant cry.." i whisper to myself. i get up and get in the shower, my thighs burning from the night before. i ruined my 2 month streak of no self harm. i felt like a shitty person. i couldnt let go of what matt said. "i just thought u would trust me more." that really hit home. i start to cry once more. but i finish up my shower and move on with my day.

i give myself a pep talk in the mirror, "lilith, youre more than this fight with matt and juliette. you will grt better, you and matt will make up. you just have to make it through this school day without crying. youre the shit lils. dont let anyone talk down to you." i wipe a tear that came down my cheek. i walk out of my room and give my mom a good bye hug. i walk out of the door scared to see juliette.

"hey lilith." she says in a dry tone. i respond, "hey." giving the same energy. but we never talked after that. until she spoke again, "i hate you so much for what happened. and for you acting so tough. that fucking hurt." my chest hurts hearing those words. tear again form in my eyes and i look away thinking about what to say but she spoke again, "lilith you were my best friend. but after the way i cried last night. i dont think i can accept u as my best friend anymore." my eyes widen and my jaw drops. the tears fall and i break down.

"jules..please.." i get on my knees and beg her. "i cant lose you. you dont understand.." i say, ending up on all fours crying like a child over a toy. "get up and go inside. compose yourself and go to school when youre not acting like a child." she says.

i can barely stand because of how much my chest hurt. knowing that her and matt were probably talking about this last night and im probably gonna lose my two best friends today. juliette rose smith and matthew bernard sturniolo. i cry and cry and cry. i tell my mom that i physically cannot go to school. i bed rot all day thinking about it all.

i hear my phone ding, i pick up my phone and its matt.

"oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.." i say preparing myself for the worst.

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whats up peeps

what do we think??