ROSEANNE
In one week, I've marked off two names from my list. We're getting closer. Felix is sweating bullets.
I've sped up the timeline and started hiding the bodies. I've changed my MO. I've also started adding the nails, something I hadn't planned to do until later in the game.
My wax apple also has a lot more nails to mark the new debts I've collected, but we've moved my murder room to Felix's house.
The media are no longer interested in me since Jackson delivered the profile of the Scarlet Slayer. Yes, the media named me. Somehow, Felix got me the name he wanted.
It's ironic the media lost interest in the hero side of me in favor of the dark side of me. Just goes to show how twisted and ugly this world can be.
"I hate how fast you're cruising through the names," Felix grumbles as I mark off the latest victim's name.
"Two in a week isn't too fast. I wanted to drag it out, but I'm sick of this. I'm ready for it to be over."
"Because of Lisa?" he asks, studying me from his seat.
"Yes and no. I'm tired of being tied to the past and unable to let it go. Aren't you?"
He leans up, perching his elbows on the rails of the chair. "Tell me something, Roseanne, what do you think happens when this is all over-if we even survive it. Do you think she doesn't find out? Do you ride off into the sunset-the agent and the killer? I want to know what you think for real. I'm good with ending this where we are, and moving on the best we can. I think that's the only way you're going to be able to keep her, if that's your true endgame."
My lip trembles, and I clear my throat. "Stopping now would be wrong. Kai and Dad...they're still dead and haunted by the way they died."
He leans back, his eyes on me. "Sometimes I think I feel Kai. I think he's right here beside us, keeping us from being discovered. Other times I realize it's ridiculous, and that our luck will eventually run out."
"Do you want to stop?" I ask quietly, sitting down on the edge of his desk.
"Honestly? No. I want to kill them all for what they did. I want them to suffer. But it's not fair for me to expect that from you when you seem to finally be healing. And it's because of Lisa you're healing. She gave you back something you lost."
"What?" I ask as he moves to the other side of the room, grabbing a drink from the mini-fridge.
"Your heart," he tells me, looking at me with sadness in his eyes.
"You could move on," I tell him, shrugging. "Kai would want that."
"I'll stick to my torrid affairs with no emotional connection for now," he answers with a brittle grin.
"Every time I think I can walk away...that's the only time I close my eyes and see it happening all over again," I say to him, sighing long and hard. "Sometimes I think I really did die, and that I'm truly the avenging angel my brother said we'd be together."
I feel as though I only have one purpose in life.
"Maybe you are," he agrees. "But maybe you're allowed to give up vengeance for hope."
"Then why do I see the nightmares when I consider stopping?"
His lips tense.
"Exactly," I tell him, motioning around the room. "If my life was spared to right the wrongs of that time, then I won't be at peace until they're all dead. Others in that town are suffering. You know it. People just like Irene who speak out against the 'justice' they dole. Women like Sunmi who has spent the last ten years worried one day her son would turn up dead or missing. People like my father who was killed for crimes he didn't commit."
