HIRAETH (Divergent Eric X OC)

2

"You're in incredible danger, darling" my mother paces back and fourth with a fearful look on her face.

"Mom, what do you mean?" I walk towards her, taking her hands in mine.

"You don't belong here, they will kill you" her voice is almost a whisper. My heart drops and my eyes fill with tears as I realise what she is referring to.

"I'm going to be okay mom, I promise" my voice doesn't come across as strong as I'd hoped it would. She releases my hands and caresses my cheek.

"You're divergent honey, I don't think you will ever be okay again"

I gasp slightly as the sound of metal clashing jolts me from my nightmare. My eyes open swiftly to reveal Four standing at the dormitory doors, holding a rusted rod. All of the other initiates seem less than happy to have been awoken this early. However, I am more than grateful for the intrusion.

"Be at the training room in 15 minutes. Don't be late" is all he says before leaving. Once my heart rate had finally slowed down, I stand from my bed. As I begin to change into the training clothes I was provided with I see that Alec is merely sitting on the edge of his bed, twiddling with his thumbs.

"Are you alright Alec?" My question snaps him out of his daze and he smiles shyly.
"Yeah, I just don't really feel comfortable undressing in front of everybody" his words are quiet enough so only I can hear them.

I forgot he was raised in Abnegation. Those poor souls aren't even allowed to view their reflection, I can only imagine how invasive this must feel to him.

"I don't think anyone is in the bathroom area right now, but I'd be quick about it" with that he mutters a 'thank you' before rushing off with clothes in hand.

In Candor we didn't have the choice of such a private mindset, everything was out in the open. Secret keeping - even of private matters - was majorly frowned upon by just about everyone. I don't know which extreme is worse, being so private to the point of prudence or being so open that nothing is left to the imagination.

•+•+•+

"Training is split into 3 sections. First is Physical. You will be ranked in knife throwing, shooting accuracy and combat. The higher your score, the better of a ranking you receive in the initiation process."
"And the lower you're ranking the closer you are to being out" Four's in-depth description of what is to come is interrupted as Eric redirects the attention to himself.
"What do you mean by out?" Morgan pipes up, fear filling her eyes.
"Each round the lowest ranking initiates will be leaving us. They will automatically become factionless" my stomach turns at his words.

"Why weren't we told about that?" My voice fills the room before I have even processed the thought. Eric's eyes shift to mine as he slowly approaches me.
"Would it have affected your choice? If that's the case, just leave now" his low voice sends chills up my spine. I avert my gaze to the floor before replying.
"No" I decide to go with the short answer as I do not want to be on his radar. He mutters something under his breath before instructing everyone to gather some knifes and find a target.

I can't lie, once I'm in front of the target I feel extremely intimidated by it. Never in my 18 years of life have I done anything of the sort. The room has gone quiet, other than the sound of knifes clattering against the concrete below us.  I decide it's time to take my first shot.

I pull my hand behind my head and take a deep breath before trying to focus my attention on the inner circles of the target. I launch the knife and it lodges itself into the very outer ring - it's not the best shot of the group but it's definitely not the worst.
"How have you hit the target? I can't even lodge it in the wall" Morgan looks to me with sadness on her face, I offer her a reassuring look before turning back to my target to try again.

I feel a presence behind me - not overly close but not far from it. I take a quick look over my shoulder to see none other than Eric. His hand are crossed over his vest as he looks at me intently.
"Well, throw it" I face the target, trying not to let his presence get to me. I raise my hand in a slightly shakier fashion than last time and throw the dagger with as much force as I can.

To my dismay, it has clattered to the ground with an almighty thump.
"Well that was pathetic" my blood begins to boil over at his remark. I don't even bother to look at him as I respond.
"Well, it's not very easy to concentrate when you have somebody watching you so closely"
"Would you prefer me step back a few feet? Will observing from a further distance fix that terrible aim of yours?" I feel my face heating up, he is clearly singling me out right now.
"You know what I meant, can I please just get back to throwing?" At this point my voice is most likely displaying my frustrations.
"I never told you to stop throwing Candor. Lose the attitude, it won't get you far here" with that he walks onto observe the next initiate, from a further distance may I add.

•+•+•+

The hallways of dauntless resemble a maze, each and every one looking almost identical. All are dimly lit cave like structures that you could easily get lost in - which is what happened to us.

When we finished eating - Morgan decided it would be a great idea for us to get tattoos - to 'fully immerse ourselves in the dauntless culture'. Our only mistake was letting her lead the way. After a long twenty minutes of roaming the passages, we arrive at the tattoo parlour.

The door opens with a chime as we enter the store. We are greeted by a girl - who as I get closer to I recognise. It's Tori, from my aptitude testing. Her expression seems to change slightly when she sees me.

"Can I help you?" her voice isn't as soft as I remember it to be. Alec explains that we are looking to get tattoos. Tori calls two artists to the front.

"Blondie you are with Quinn, boy you're with Layla and you will be with me" she gestures to me to follow her back to one of the private rooms, so I do. She shuts the door gently before turning to me.

"What are you doing here? Why on Earth would you choose dauntless?" Her words are quiet, but stern. It's as if she's worried for me.
"I did what you told me to do, I left Candor" my heart rate speeds up greatly.
"I thought you would have chosen abnegation. It's easier to fall through the cracks there."

She was right - Abnegation would have been the safer choice. However, I don't think I would have fit in there. Although I'm technically 'selfless', I couldn't devote my life to it. I couldn't spend every day thinking of only others, ignoring my own needs - I'd prefer be dead.

"Dauntless is what I chose Tori. I can't change that now, and frankly I wouldn't if I could." My words are harsher than I meant them to be. She mutters something under her breathe before we get back to discussing my tattoo.
I ended up going for a snake design that trails down my forearm. It probably wasn't my best choice to go for something so large with this being my first tattoo - and oh did it hurt.

After hours of silence and pain, we are finally finished. As Tori begins to wrap it she speaks up once again.
"You need to be careful Lorelei."
"How can I be careful? Do I just try to fade into the background of my class? Risk being factionless?" I struggle not to get upset as I express the way that I'm feeling.
"No, you can't try to blend in. Blending in is what they would expect you to do. You need to work extremely hard - prove to them that you are dauntless" at this point she is done covering my inked skin and we stand by the door.

"Thank you Tori - for everything. If it wasn't for you I would already be dead. Why are you helping me?" The look on her face becomes more upset as she tries to offer me a small smile.

"No one deserves to die for something they have no control over."