Parenthood

December 17, 2016

I stepped closer to the thick glass wall that separated me from a sea of water as a pair of mother and calf Beluga Whales drifted past me. Fascinated, I pressed my cheeks and hands against the glass, my eyes following the trail of the whales as my mouth curved into a small "o".

Suddenly, loud whining struck my ears. I turned to my right and saw a little boy around my age smearing his tears from his face as he cried out sentences that came out slurred. "But I want a pet turtle!!" He screamed.

His mother squatted in front of him and gently wrapped her arms around her son, patting his back rhythmically. "But honey, you already have a pet fish."

The little boy's father brushed the boy's hair. "Yeah, Vincent. What if we got you another pet fish instead?"

The boy's mother pulled back from the hug and the little boy slowly looked up at his father, rubbing his eye that was red from crying.

"You know, the type that goes—" The boy's father pushed his cheeks inward and puckered his lips. "Bloop bloop bloop!"

The boy and his mother instantly bursted into laughter.

I turned away from the scene and pressed the side of my face against the aquarium glass. Where's my daddy?

Through indistinctive chatters in crowds, I heard my name.

"Emma!" I felt my mother's hand on my shoulder and turned around. My mother was panting heavily, her shoulders heaving up and down.

"Emma, I told you not to run off alone! I was so worried!"

I gazed at my mother. "Mommy?"

"Where's my daddy?"

My mother was silent at the question. She glanced around her and grabbed my hand, pulling me to a corner of the room. Her breathing slowed and she looked down at her feet for a few seconds before squatting in front of me.

"Emma..." She placed her hands on my shoulders. She didn't say anything for some time, but I could see sorrow darkening her hazel eyes.

"Mommy, where's daddy?" I asked again.

My mother let out a heavy sigh. "Your daddy is...with your mom." Her voice trailed off.

I cocked my head sideways. "But mommy, you're right here, and daddy's not."

She looked down and let her hair fall over her face. "...with your other mom."

"But I only have one mommy!" My voice cracked.

My mother's hands began shaking. She kept her head low and avoided eye contact with me, but I could see tears washing down her cheeks. I didn't know what I was feeling; all I knew was that I wanted to cry. Before I knew it, tears were pouring down from my eyes.

"Mommy...I don't have a daddy?" Those words triggered something inside of me that made me feel empty and broken.

My mother pulled me in and hugged me tightly. I could still feel her hands shaking violently on my back. I sobbed until my nose turned blood red, unsure what was going through my mind. My mother was trying her best to stop her tears from flowing, but in the end, she pressed her head against my shoulder and weeped her emotions out.

"It's okay, honey..." My mother said with a trembling voice. "Mommy is still here..."

My weeping softened after hearing my mother's comforting words.

Vaguely, I heard my mother call my name.

"Emma?"

"...Emma?"

"Emma?"

I jolted to attention and turned towards my bedroom door to see my mother poking her head inside my bedroom, hand still on the doorknob.

"What are you doing?"

As she was speaking, I immediately closed the notebook on my desk and shoved it behind a pile of books.

"Uh— nothing. Just...reading my diary from a few years ago." I turned back to my mother and grinned.

"Oh. Well, come outside and help me carry these dishes to the table. Your father will be home soon." My mother ordered as she walked away from my room, leaving the bedroom door ajar. "Hurry!" Her voice echoed.

I stood and followed my mother out to the kitchen. My mother passed me a plate of steak and I made my way to the dining table.

My footsteps slowed as my eyes shifted to the large fish tank at the arch door of the dining room. The quiet whirl of the water refilling blended with the splashes of sink water and the clatter of dishes that echoed from the kitchen, a myriad of fishes swimming behind the thick glass.

My eyes followed the trail of a pair of white fishes that resembled Beluga Whales and I smiled as the scene from the diary entry replayed in my mind.

As I placed the plate of food on the dining table, I felt a tug on my pants. I turned and saw my step-sister standing next to me, looking up at me with big, round eyes.

"Sissy?" She said sweetly. "Where's daddy?"

My lips curved into a smile of deja vu and I squatted in front of my little sister. "He'll be back soon. Go and call your brother for dinner."

My mother laid the last plate of food on the table and seated herself across from me. Right then, I heard the front door open. Next thing I knew, my little sister screamed "DADDY'S HOME!" and dashed towards my step-father. She hugged his left leg tightly as my step-father laughed. "Yes, cupcake, daddy's home."

My mother stood after seeing what my step-father was holding. "Why— what's with the turtle?"

A familiar image came to my mind.

My step-father held the small cage up. "A colleague gave it to me." He gave a lighthearted shrug. "I was thinking about donating it somewhere else."

I wrenched up from my seat. "DON'T!" I blurted.

My mother and step-father glanced over at me.

I hurried to my step-father and took the cage from his hand. "I want to keep this, well, as a memory of the past." My mind was eased with tranquility as I gazed at the turtle within the cage, its hands and legs twitching from time to time.

My mother and step-father exchanged a perplexed look.

Eyes still on the turtle, I opened the lid of the glass fish tank and gently dropped the turtle inside. The white fish immediately rocketed towards the turtle, circling it energetically.

"Anyway," I shifted my gaze upon my parents.

"Can we visit the aquarium someday?" I suggested.

"As a family."