In The Midst

Introduction

I've been learning to live in my truth. Love myself for me and who I am created to be. I'm loving the skin I'm in. even though I get overlooked a lot. But that's Ok. I've always been the Outcast of my family and peers. Never really cared to fit in. I'm always gonna be me. I hate seeing people being the same. I hate seeing the same thing repeatedly. There is nothing to choose from. No variety. No nothing.

Everybody dating for an aesthetic. No real love. People only (love)like you for what you can do for them. And how you can beneficial to them. Nothing more or less. I've always ran in very small crowds. Trying to figure out where I fit in. But I don't need to fit in. I'm just tired of being someone I'm not for others. I just wanna be me and be comfortable being me.

I'm tired of acting like I'm normal and my life is. It's like my family just sweeps everything under the rug. And act like nothing happens. We're not one big happy family. Nothing is perfect. Which I never expected to be. But that is why I am decided to live in my truth no matter how ugly it is. And if it calls for separation, I'm willing to do it. I'm willing to give everything up for it.

I'm going out on Faith. I can't believe I'm doing it. Tonight is the night. I'm scared shitless. This is the biggest step I've ever made in my life. I'm moving away from my family. I'm actually doing it. I am nervous, but I am so excited and pleased. I have my things packed and ready to go. I have the housing situated already. I've been planning to leave New York for a year now. I got everything set up piece by piece. I have butterflies right now as time starts to wind down. Because this is real.

I can hear my heart beating in my ears. I can't stop tapping my foot. Anticipation is killing me. I usually have everything mapped out from point A-z. I don't know what to expect. Anticipation my biggest enemy right now. " Avi." my mom called knocking out my thoughts.

" what's on your mind?" She asked next to me. I shook my head smiling at her. "Nothing I'm ok." I see it now looking back at TV. I can feel her eyes still on me. " I'm serious Ma." I spoke, causing her to nod. We sat in silence, watching Criminal Minds.  I feel bad lying to her. Of course, I didn't tell her what I was about to do. She will only talk me out of it. But I have to go I need this.

   " when were you going to tell Mama you were moving over 1000 miles away?" Rena, my sister voice rang through the living room. " Rena what are you talking about?" my mom question her before I can speak. " Avi and you weren't even going to tell us." Rena voice broke. I sighed. " I'm moving to Arkansas. My flight is in a couple hours. I was going to tell you, Ma, but I was trying to figure out how to break the news to you." Genuinely she just stared at me, not saying a word. "Why?" They both questioned

   "I need a change I'm 24. I'm not getting any younger. It's time for me to take this step I answered. "Do you see what this is doing to your sister? How could you avi? All you do is think of yourself. Just selfish." She spoke harshly wrapping her arms around Rena. I scoffed it soon turned into laughter.

" if I don't think for me who will? It's always about Rena. Or avi look how you made this or that person feel. But nobody thinks about Avi of how this'll make her feel? I'm tired of everybody making me the blame and always dismissing me. I'm tired of feeling unimportant. I matter to." I spoke grabbing my purse.

"How dare you speak to me that way. I'm your mother." My mom spoke. "If you leave Avi Denae Johnston you'll never hear from me. You'll never bf able to come back. You'll forever be alone bc you'll never be apart of this family again. How could you leave? I've done everything for you. I gave up my life from you and this how you thank me?! Don't call me nor this family. The phone won't be answered when it doesn't work!" She screamed.

I was speechless. I had nothing more to say. I steadily stepped away from her about to make my exit. "You heard correct. If you walk out of here this'll be the last time see me again! Do you hear me?!" Screamed breaking my heart more than before. I nodded not able to contain the tears that fell down my face.

Rena reached for me but my mom snatched her Back. "Ma that's Avi you're talking to. She's crying. Rena spoke looking shocked as I was. "For the love of God Rena if you don't shut up you'll be right with her." My spoke harshly causing Rena to go mute. I was hurt. I was stuck in one spot. I couldn't move. I couldn't believe this was real life. This was happening. I can't believe it. I couldn't believe she was speaking this way to me. I drop my head cleaning my face before I faced her again. I inhaled before speaking again.

"I guess this is it then huh?" I paused. "Rena I really hope you gain the courage to break away from Lucifer's shackles." After saying that I left the house quickly breaking down into a crying wreck.

Authors note:I really hope that the readers reading this book enjoys it. And leave feedback. I love knowing others opinions!