Chapter 1

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Grief is a lonely start. A lonely path. A lonely year to begin with. It all leads to depression and intrusive thoughts. Cutting our ends to split ties with some incessant part of humanity. Our humanity. We lose one part of ourself so we grow into the light. Or we drown into the dark. Thinking hard, remembering my sister as she went down this shriveling and sniveling path of depression I wait in silence and wonder if she really had meant to do this. Why go thru all the trouble with the tapes?

Why leave Maxine and I thru all this hurt? It really doesn't make sense to me. It never has. I whirl with it though. Perhaps we try to understand the things with held from us that we can't seem to comprehend. Each year has been hard since she left. Now I'm starting my sophomore year of high school and I'm grieving the loss of my best friend. Depression is a cycle we can't escape. It's a demon sized hell hole. Our thoughts are cycling. 

As I lay in my bed, facing the ceiling fan and am staring at it for what feels like an eternity, I can't seem to escape my thoughts. So I decide to go downstairs. "Oh hey Maxine" I smirk at my sister and use sign language with my dad. You'd think tormenting my sister would be easy, but it's actually really hard.  "Hey where are all your friends? Shouldnt they be here? Oh wait you don't have any" I taunt her.

"Marcus, you know I have friends, heck you have met them!" Maxine rambles and then after a while it becomes white noise. Our father started to sign, "children don't fight, please"

Maxine really knows how to start a fight. Ever since Hannah died. Her and Hannah were super close! Not that it matters, we were all super close. Our mother wasn't deaf so she scolded us with signing and vocals.

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