Carnations in the Alley | manxman | (Historical Romance)

IX - Loved by You

For someone looking to return home tonight, Kent sure was taking his time finishing his meal. Supper had been a simple roast with a side of greens, but even as Kent took his time picking at the chicken and pushing around his vegetables, Edgar couldn't say he hadn't taken his time preparing the meal to lengthen what time he still had with this young man across from him.

Having finished his own plate some minutes ago, Edgar collected his dishes to head for the kitchen, but he paused when he moved by Kent and the sleeve of his shirt was pinched.

When their eyes met, confusion shifted through Edgar at the sheer amount of dejection settled in Kent. How could he look so despaired by a decision he'd come to make on his own? It was so obvious he didn't want to return to his home, so why be so adamant about leaving, especially leaving a place whose door was clearly open for him?

"What is it?" Edgar asked, tone still so gruff and unmoved.

"Sit with me," was all Kent said.

Returning to his chair, Edgar kept his eyes on Kent who was having a tough time meeting his gaze.

Enough of this...

Rising once more, Edgar knelt beside Kent's chair, and that appeared to bring a flustered disturbance to the young lord. His eyes shimmered and his shoulders grew stiff. "Speak to me properly," Edgar half demanded. There were notes of a plea somewhere in there. "I can see in your eyes this is not a place you wish to leave. Why go? Why leave me?"

Why leave me?

The noted appeal in Edgar successfully touched Kent's ear, and when the young lord blinked, a wetness streamed down his cheeks.

A consoling hand rose to his face then, and while Edgar hadn't the softest hands, the warmth that arose from the affection made up for it. Edgar's thumb wiped the tear away, catching another, and as if the courage were mustered, he brought Kent's rose lips closer to collect them with his own.

You are being so foolish, Edgar thought. How is it that you wish to be with me and leave me at the same time?

Unable to stop the woe once it picked up in him, Kent's tears continued to flow as his lips were kissed and his tongue was taken and tasted. Edgar carefully lifted the young lord into his arms. He wanted to call Kent a fool and an idiot for sticking to this choice he'd made. But he also wanted to be upset with himself for not saying more.

Did he not have the power to change Kent's mind? Surely if he confessed how badly he wanted Kent to remain at his side, to live here, to keep this company they'd built over the past couple of days...if he lugged such an honest confession from the depths of his heart, surely it would be enough to keep Kent right where he was. In his arms, in his line of sight where he could be protected from any and all who could ever think of harming him.

Say it, goddammit! I can protect you. Say it aloud! I can love you right here and now, always, and forever. You coward. I can be all you have ever wanted; all you will ever need in this life. What happened to your courage?

As Kent's legs wrapped around Edgar's waist, and he was carried into the room they'd shared since their first night of love, the embrace around Kent was nearly strong enough to press all of his uncertainties out of his pores.

"Once more," Kent said when they descended into bed. "I want to feel all of you — so that I may never forget."

Touching his nose into the crook of Kent's neck, Edgar nodded, hating all of himself for being so unable to open his mouth to say the exact words that were on his mind. It might seem impossible, but he'd begun to feel things he'd never felt before until Kent. It seemed so impossible that he could love this person he didn't know each and everything about, but he did. Edgar loved Kent so impossibly and coming to terms with the idea of letting go of that was beginning to strain his heart.