Distance

May 20

Well, today I got a message from Sierra, I think she is taking a slight interest in me.

When I got the message, I was walking down to the lake as we had Friday off today (hooray) she said that she was "head girl" of our dorm and that I would fit right in, knowing how "energetic" and "chatty" I was (does this girl have literal cameras on me????).

Usually on Saturdays, I meet with James and Stephen up at the lake to just chill out. I mean, we are not really sports-orientated, or nerds, we are just us. Considering the fact that it is May, and the sun's out, we typically do it every week unless the weather is crap.

Stephen is away this week to a caravan, presumably trying to get a girlfriend.

So this week, just me and James.

Just me... and James.

Why is that so awkward to me? It's not like I've never been alone with him, I mean the last time it was just us was 7 years ago, no biggie, right?

Holy crap-

I felt my face turn red as I came up to the bench, I remembered his speech from yesterday and I knew he definitely meant it, so why was my heart racing?

I sat down at the bench beside James and immediately started rambling on about Sierras messages and how I think she liked me. James just sat there looking like he was solving a maths problem before he asked:

Do you like her like that?

I wanted to say: Sierra? I've only known her for a couple of days whereas with you I've known you for what feels like forever, it's you that I like.

But why did I want to say that..? Why had I been feeling differently  today than I was yesterday?

...and that was the other thing on the sheet I gave to Stephen, that was really sneaky of him to go away for the ONE day :{

Whilst all of this was happening, James was feeding the ducks. I felt my face turn red as he turned back around to me to see what I was doing, and I whispered:

No.

I went to go feed the ducks, but me being me, I did it awkwardly. I ended up falling into the lake because I forgot to tie my shoelace >:(

As I emerged from the lake, my vision was blurry, but I could clearly see James was laughing and I didn't know why, until I felt something fluffy on my head. A freaking duck. As I held it in my hand, I felt a peck,after peck, after peck, until I realised the mother had come back for her baby, and was attacking me.

I placed the duck down, but it kept landing on my curly hair, so I stood up out of the water and began running from this mother who was cursing me in a duck language. I was running around in circles (screaming my lungs off) until I realised the duck had fallen beside its mum, but the mother duck was still chasing me. I obviously was so caught up with looking at the ducks that I didn't know I had started running towards the surface until I fell onto the sandy surface.

I kind of just laid there for a bit, rethinking everything that just happened, until I had a warm feeling on my back. 

JAMES' FREAKING JUMPER-

It feels good to finally write all of this down, but come on! That is one of the most romantic things you can do to someone! (Remember I am an introvert) At least in films they actually acknowledge that they like each other before it happens...had I skipped that part? The messages, the hugs, the jumper... was all of that just friendship or were we just platonic? 

We certainly weren't lovers anyway.

James: Elliot... are you okay? 

Elliot: ...yeah yeah I'm fine why whats the matter why wouldn't I be fine hehehe

James: You look as though you have just painted your face red, and I know your nervous becuase you just spoke fast. What is it?

Elliot: I-

James: Do you like Sierra..?

Elliot: Yeah that is definitely what it is, I'm so sorry I didn't want to admit it because I haven't even met her yet

James: Considering shes actually speaking to you, I would say its a yes for a relationship

...

WHY THE HELL DID I JUST SAY I LIKED SIERRA???

After that really awkward conversation, my phone buzzed.

Low and bloody behold... it was Sierra. The universe works in mysterious ways.

I was about to press the red button to decline it when James picked up my phone and answered the phone.

To sum it all up, I now have a date with her, tomorrow, because she is in my area.

Elliot: For someone that has social anxiety, you certainly said a lot on the phone.

James: I guess I did, Mr Right.

I was so mad but I couldn't tell James why, he would think I had mixed feeling about her and tell me to go ask Stephen about it, which in my opinion, maybe not the best idea.

James insisted I keep his jumper, he said he didn't want me to get cold on the way home.

As soon as he said that I felt all bubbly inside, like fireworks were going off in my body.

I walked home, took some crisps, and immediately went to my room.

I had never felt like that with someone before, but what was it that I was feeling? 

Was it gratefulness?

No, felt that before.

Happy?

Again, felt like that before.

Love?

...love. non-platonic love.