Backburner

Prelude

"Are you still there?" I asked with a bittersweet smile. I carefully held my phone like it was a fragile thing.

"Yes," he answered. I was on the phone call with Zachary. Bigla na lamang siyang tumawag sa'kin. He was crying like a kid. Hindi ko alam ang dahilan nang pag-iyak niya ngayon. He just called me tonight because he wanted to hear a familiar voice.

"Good," I replied. I tried to hide the pain in my voice. It hurts to see him being hurt. I can't afford to hear him, crying. I can picture in my mind the way he cries like a puppy.

"Matutulog ka na?" I questioned. Nakahiga na ako ngayon sa aking kuwarto. It was already late at night. The sun was in a deep sleep but I am here fully awake, just for him.

"Hindi pa," Zackary answered in the other line. "But if you're sleepy, you can now sleep."

"No, it's okay," I replied. "Nawala na antok ko," sagot ko sabay palihim na humikab. That was a lie. Inaantok na talaga ako pero ayaw kong matulog na hindi pa siya okay. I want him to sleep with a light chest.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I heard him, sighed deeply. His voice was like a lullaby to me. I can sit and listen to him for the whole hour.

"Ano bang nangyari?" I asked him again. "Why you're crying?"

"A personal matter," he responded. I can sense that he was a bit hesitant to tell what's going on inside of his mind right now.

"Ahh, okay," sagot ko. "Pero if gusto mong i-share sa'kin, I am willing to listen."

"I don't want to add your burdens, Halia," he answered.

"Zack, okay lang talaga sa'kin, promise," I assured him. I waited for him to say anything but we just went silent for a second.

"Halia," he called my name. He sounded so careful when he said it. I gently touched my chest when a sudden strange feeling blended in my chest. To be called by Zackhary's voice.

"Yes, Zack," sagot ko.

"I hate this feeling," he started to confess.

"Feeling of what?"

"Feeling of being in love with someone else," he said.

"What's the problem of being in love with someone, Zack?" I asked. "You can make that as inspiration."

"I know, Halia, pero nakikita ko kasi na wala akong lugar sa puso niya," malungkot na saad niya. "I can look at her deeply but when every time she looks at me, I can't feel that I was being seen."

The lump in my throat started to form again. I swallowed the sadness. Kung alam mo lang Zackhary. Kung alam mo lang ang lahat. I breathed deeply and just shrugged my thoughts off.

"'Yan ba 'yong babaeng nilalagawan mo ngayon?" I asked him.

"Yes," he answered.

Napatango ako. "Ba't naman ganoon? Ikaw na 'yan, Zack, oh," I tried to make our conversation light even though I could really feel the pain he was feeling right now.

"So, binasted ka?" I asked him again.

"No, but I can feel that it won't work, kasi pinaparamdam niya sa'kin na wala talaga," sagot niya. "I can feel the boundaries she built between the two of us."

Napahinga ako nang malalim. "Zack, it's okay, marami pang ibang babae d'yan, for sure, maraming nagpapapansin sa'yo ngayon," I stated. Kilala ko na si Zackhary since high school. He was handsome. 'Yong guwapong hindi nakakasawang tingnan. Kahit sobrang mahiyain at hindi masyadong gumagala ay marami pa ring admirers si Zackhary dati sa school namin, hanggang college. Dagdag mo pa ang personality niya na sobrang guwapo rin.