It was a dark but not stormy night. It was cloudy, yes, but not raining. SpongeBob had invited Patrick over for a sleepover. They'd fooled around for much of the evening, but it was getting late and boring. And by fooling around I mean just hanging out, not banging.
"This is getting boring!" said Patrick. "We're just sitting around and hanging out. When are we gonna do something cool?"
"I dunno!" said SpongeBob. "You wanna play Truth or Dare? THAT'S COOL!"
"What are we, twelve? That's only cool if you're twelve, SpongeBob."
"WOW PATRICK! I didn't know you could count to twelve!" said SpongeBob. "What do the cool kids do then?"
"I know what they do." Patrick pointed to SpongeBob's waist. "Take off your belt."
SpongeBob did as he was told like a good boy and took off his belt. But not for banging, sorry. "IT'S OFF! Now what, Patrick?"
"Now wrap it around your neck and pull."
"WHAT! !" said SpongeBob. He was shocked enough for two exclamation points. "That'll choke me to death!"
"No, SpongeBob! You stop right before you die and it feels GREEEEEAT. Trust me."
Even though it was clearly a BRILLIANT idea, SpongeBob had some doubts and was too afraid to try. "I have some doubts," he said. "And I'm too afraid to try."
"Fine, I'll show you!" Patrick took the belt and wrapped it around his neck. He pulled the end which tightened it like a noose. His eyes bugged out and his face turned purple. "FEEEEEELS GREEEEEAT!" he said whilst strangling himself.
"GOLLY!" said SpongeBob. He was quite confused.
By the way, Patrick was an idiot and did not know how to properly auto-asphyxiate himself. So his body fell limp, his tongue rolled out, and his eyes turned into X's.
SpongeBob did not like the look of those X's. "PATRICK! Are you all right! I don't like the look of those X's!"
He took out a magic marker and tried to draw over them with circles. But it wasn't magic enough!
"OH NEPTUNE!" said SpongeBob. He was crying. "I think he's dead! My sleepover is ruined!"
He lowered his head out of solemnness. "Goodnight, sweet prince." (That's a line from Shakespeare in case you didn't know.) "At least you went out being super cool," said SpongeBob. (That one too.)
All of a sudden the air turned into swirling, green cloudy circles. Thunder clashed even though it wasn't even a stormy night. From the whirling vortex came a green, bearded figure. He wailed a ghoulish cry as more thunder boomed. You all know who it is.
"Fl-fl-flying Dutchman!" said SpongeBob as he wet his pants in fear. "You're in my house!"
"ARRRRGH! I'm the Flying Dutchman!" he said even though it was already established. "I'm here for your soul!"
"NEPTUNE!" said SpongeBob, thoroughly scared.
"Neptune can't help you anymore!"
"Well, he helps those who help themselves."
"Wait a minute, I'm not even talking to you." The Flying Dutchman pointed to Patrick's limp body. "I meant to say all that to chubsy over there."
"NOT CHUBSY!" said SpongeBob, cradling his fat friend's corpse in his arms.
"Hahahahaha, YES!" the Dutchman laughed evilly. "His soul belongs to me now!" He reached inside Patrick (but not for banging, you need to be patient) and pulled out pickle-shaped soul, dripping with soul juices. He stuffed it in his little soul bag and patted it. "There we are."
