The Everything

Questions. Questions.

What do you care about more? What others think, or what you think?

That age-old question that never seems to die as the generations pass is "What do others think of me?" Better question. Why do we care?

I was told years ago that I 'look better in the dark'. Now, I could go into the gory details of that evening but that doesn't matter. What does, is how I felt afterward. And let me tell you, it was gruesome. Over the years I leaned into that comment, it became the foundation for how I saw myself no matter what others said. My appearance—from a stranger perspective, was used as fuel for my already cracked subconscious. When getting dressed or picking an outfit I chose things that I thought were more flattering for me—darker colors without realizing how these shades were making me feel. Don't get me wrong, I love the use of a deeper shade to create shadows and dimension but as a whole it takes away the questions. Questions I never wanted to answer and questions that I wasn't able to ask myself. I withered into that darkness and put stock in the belief that someone (I didn't know) knew more about me than I. It colored everything for my future. Until now.

New beginnings and new feelings require a new atmosphere. In my case it was a fresh coat of paint. Something to say that 'more' (whatever that is) is coming. After the final coats were well and dry the future felt set. What I didn't notice while painting furiously in the darkness were the imperfections I was creating along the way. See we aren't meant know everything all at once. We all go through the motions of experience and let those results guide our next act.

So what would you do? Correct the brush stokes or embrace the mishaps and keep moving forward?