"It's okay if things go wrong, right?"
...
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction unless otherwise indicated. All the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or are...
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Begin Again
To begin again after having something you once sincerely loved wreck you is one of the harshest things to do. After competing with the largest of waves caused by the most indifferent storms, after having it mercilessly thrust against the hollow hopes embracing your chest—it feels unjust that you have to swim your way up to the shore just because this ship tossed you off one day. It feels unfair that you have to mend yourself because the thing you valued the most decided to rot away from your system. As if you don't—can't own it anymore. As if you no longer impress it. As if it's decided to no longer be yours. Because how does one turn from something that's everything you've ever known to something you can't even recognize anymore?
How do you cope with that?
How do you live with the aching blame of failing yourself? Of failing to become the person you were so close to becoming?
How does pretense eclipse the damaged parts of you that you destroyed?
Beomgyu was being smothered endlessly by the person he used to be just a year ago. How did he die that easily? Beomgyu was 15. How will he live half-dead, barren, and unrecognizable to his own self?
Grief... grief was the callous hands that grasped my ribcage. Like it's dawdling, wanting to be felt. Because grief was heavy.
Beomgyu watched as the doors of the faculty slid open, and just as instantly, his homeroom teacher walked in with a bunch of folders in her chest. She immediately looked at Beomgyu and beamed, Beomgyu calmed down a bit.
Grief could be felt once this teacher smiled at me because it only reminded me that I was starting anew again. With different people. In a different classroom. Grief was in the differences you're not used to.
"You're Choi Beomgyu, right?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Beomgyu smiled just the same. Beomgyu gripped his pants. "You must be nervous," the teacher sat on her chair. Beomgyu hummed, "A little, but I think I'll be okay."
"I'm sure of that," the teacher nodded, "the students here are pretty chill."
"That's good to know," Beomgyu sighed in relief.
The first bell rang. Beomgyu could feel his nervousness crack his spine. He observed as the teacher gathered her things, "Let's go?"
