I know now how much I was going to give away to Edward. My humanity. Something anyone would trade for something they think is more valuable. But they're wrong, your humanity is what keeps you sane. The one thing that changes suddenly and we enjoy it. It's feeling love, hatred, lust. It's sleeping, the need to breath and eat, what lets us cry our tears. Because you feel it thought your beating heart.
For a vampire, humanity can be your emotions, memories, something that ties us to our human lives. But when you decide that you don't care about anyone or thing. Your humanity can just disappear and its extremely hard and painful to get back. I should know its been off a lot and rarely ever stays. Because when its on... The pain and guilt would kill a human in a split second. A plus side is that life's more amusing with nothing to worry about.
I guess I have changed... a lot. I feel nothing when I want. And kill as I like. Just because I desire to and nothing can stop me. But there's a part of me deep, deep down who wants the pathetic, insecure,baby Bella to make a appearance and fight for control. Just one problem. SHE has NOTHING to fight for, she hasn't for a very long time. The badass Bella knows how to have fun! She lives life for thrill and adventure, even if it means getting her hands dirty in the process. But that's never been a problem.
Being Undead has its perks. I certainly know how to fight as I've taken out armies of newborns because I was bored. Coming out alive - as alive as a vampire can be - without a single bite. My skin is still as flawless as it was when I awoke...
