Forbidden Desire

The Festival

Everything started to plunge into darkness all of a sudden when a strong arm pressed a handkerchief on my face from behind, a sweet yet strong smell hitting my nostrils. Someone caught me in his arms before I hit the ground.

Before completely losing my consciousness I saw two men approaching me through my blurry vision and heard only one thing, "Get her in the car", and I went into a deep slumber.

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Two years later

Deeya

"It's the time to light up the mud candles, Deeya take Sukanya and Taara with you and start lighting them" Moha kaki shouts from the enormous kitchen of the Chandrakoth Palace, where she along with almost seventy cooks and helpers are busy preparing various namkeens, sweets, drinks and many other dishes for todays special day.

Every year on this day Raja-sa, Durjay Singh Rathore, distributes clothes and different necessities to the villagers of Chandravanipur, a fair takes place and  huge feast is thrown. Men and women perform in dancing and singing. The streets of Chandravanipur glows with shimmering lights and Chandrakoth Palace looks like a castle of dreamland from afar. It is no less than a festival in Chandravanipur.

Finding Sukanya helping Amrita didi, daughter of Raja-sa, I don't disturb her and go on with my search of Taara. They are my best friends and my only friends in this haveli. They have loved and supported me since the first day I came to this place two years ago after that incident which turned my entire world upside down. They understand me like no one else.

I find Taara in the lawn, playing with her five years old son Ayush. He is trying to hide his small body behind the large swing and peeking at times to see what his mother is doing. Taara is pretending as if she is trying her best to find him but cannot. Watching them a smile paves its way to my lips unknowingly. Noticing me she runs towards me and said dramatically, "Deeya help me find our son. I cannot find him. If this goes on I'm going lose the game" and winks at me making me chuckle.

Joining the game and after pretending I am also unable to trace his whereabouts we sit on the swing with a sigh. "I think we have lost", I tell Taara with a sigh and she nods. After a minute a small figure jumps on us from behind and started giggling saying, "Maa and choti maa has lost the game, I'm the winner" and we also start laughing with him seeing him so happy.

"Have you lit the mud candles?" Taara asks when our laughter subsides and it clicks  that I am not here to play with them, I came here in search of Taara so that she can help me light up the candles. Shit! Moha kaki will kill me. I spring up from the swing. "Let's go Taara, I haven't. I was searching for you so that you can help me and the thing completely left my head", I tell her and her eyes widen in shock. "What? It's almost six, the candles should be lit up before five in the evening. We are doomed for sure" she almost screams and we starts running to the terrace carrying Ayush.

Reaching there we find all the candles glowing brightly and look at each other in surprise. After awhile we spot Moha kaki at the corner of the terrace and understand that she has lit all of those herself. We approach her to say sorry to her but she just walks past us without sparing a glance towards us. We are doomed for real.

Coming down Taara, Sukanya and I go to the festival ground. Raja-sa is distributing clothes among the villagers. Kuwar-sa Vijay Singh Rathore, Amrita didi and rani-sa Abhisree Singh Rathore are talking to some of the villagers. But I don't see him anywhere whom I crave to see among all of these people. It's been a week since I have seen him in Kuwar-sa's room in that black kurta, sleeves half-folded, hugging his perfectly built strong manly body and white trousers. Some of his black hair falling on his forehead, that perfectly trimmed beard and moustache, his plump pink lips in between and the two dark brown eyes which will be the reason I die oneday.

Adhiraj Chauhan, the right hand man of kuwar-sa, who does all of his work, with whom I've fallen in love at the first sight. Though he has never looked at my way once in these two years. He stays at the guest wing of the palace which is beside the servant wing, where I live and most of the days he doesn't come back at night.

Maybe feeling my gaze Kuwar-sa lookes at my way and I averts my gaze hurriedly. From the first day he have always behaved nicely with me, though he's nice towards everyone else but sometimes he's overly nice and warm with me which makes me wonder if he has any other intentions. Like, he had taken me to ride horses the previous winter and also invited me to have lunch with him in his lake-side cottage where we star gazed together, which I've never seen him doing with anyone else let alone with a servant.

"Let's dance" Sukanya says bringing me out of my thoughts. "You two go, I cannot dance wearing this heavy lehenga" I tell them truthfully. This lehenga is different from which we wear everyday in the palace as those are normal and light-weight and which I'm wearing right now is light pink coloured, embroidered beautifully with different stones. I wonder how rani-sa and Amrita didi tackle lehengas more heavy than this all the time. Sukanya doesn't force me. "Okay wait for us here, we'll come back in ten minutes" saying this she and Taara leave me kind of unwillingly.

My feet starts to hurt after standing there for thirty minutes and I feel nauseous from the heat and the smell coming from the food stalls. When it does not stop after a minute I hurry to get out of that congested place. But today no place in Chandravanipur is unfilled except the palace, so I decide to go back there.

After reaching the palace, I sit on the stairs outside. When the cool night breeze touches my face and after taking long breathes my nausea subsides eventually. There are only guards guarding  everywhere and some of the servants stayed in the palace. Recognizing me they let me enter but not before asking why I'm so early to arrive.

I'm facing quite a challenge climbing up the  spiral staircase wearing the lehenga while suddenly I step on my lehenga and my hands fly up to clutch on the railing but it's too late and I shut my eyes preparing myself for the fall, which never comes. Instead two strong arms grab my bare waist from behind and my back hit someone's broad chest. Slowly opening my eyes I look at the hands on my waist which are grabbing me firmly and after seeing the royal ring in his finger I am left with no doubt about whose hands they are.

"I've got you" he whispers in my ear, his hot lips brushing my earlobe and his voice almost sounding like a groan. My heart starts drumming in my chest from the proximity. I try to get out of his grip and turn towards him but he doesn't let me. I'm feeling like a prey in the predator's claw, mostly because of height and size differences. His thumb starts caressing my
waist and my eyes widen. Unable to take it anymore when I am going to open my mouth to say something I hear someone else's low and deep voice behind us, "He is  here".

I know whom this voice belongs to, Adhiraj, this is the voice which I wish I could hear everyday before going to bed and after waking up in the morning, the voice which is enough to make a pool of water between my legs. Kuwar-sa turns his head without dropping his hands but I manage to turn towards him utilising the chance and my eyes find Adhiraj's. For the first time he looks at me, his eyes void of any emotions. But still my breath hitches in my throat. If his eyes looks this beautiful being emotionless how they'll look when he smiles or cries, shows care, concern or possesiveness or when he makes love.

Then his eyes travel to my waist where kuwar-sa's hands are and he averts his eyes burying me in shame and guilt. Why? Why this has to happen? He never looked at me and when he does for the first time he discovers me like this? In some other man's arms? I know it doesn't matter to him but it matters to me, matters to me so much that now I think I've cheated on him.

Kuwar-sa nods at him, "Let's go" and drop his hands after giving my waist a final squeeze which makes me shiver. Tears start pouring out of my eyes as soon as they leave.

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