Finally Found You

Chapter 1: The Black Sheep

Shiloh Abigail Perez... I was named after my grandmother, Shiloh, and the name Abigail came from my mom's sister who already had passed away. Since the day that I was born, I already didn't have an identity of my own.

"She acts exactly like her Tiya Abby," they say.

"Kamukhang-kamukha niya ang Lola eh."

Everything I do, doesn't make me.. well, me. It just reminds them of someone they used to love. Ang swerte siguro nila Tiya at Lola 'no? Kahit pa'y pumanaw na sila, may nag-mamahal pa rin sa kanila. Hindi katulad ko, even if I'm still alive, I've never felt loved. Will they love me and miss me when I die?

Probably not.

"Ate Shiloh! Alas nuebe na, baka ma late tayo!" Sigaw ng kapatid kong si Sean. "Sinasabi ko talaga ate, pag tayo wala nang pwesto."

I rushed out of my room trying to comb my long hair. "Ang aga-aga, Martin, ang ingay mo." Sagot ni Ate Sarah. Halos mag-labas ng usok ang mga tenga ni Sean sa pikon. He doesn't like anyone calling him by his middle name.

"Martin ka d'yan, 'di kita she-share-an ng pamaypay ko bahala ka d'yan." He responded before gathering his belongings. Normal na sa kanilang dalawa ang pag-awayan ang kahit karirinting na bagay dito.

"Pwes, pamaypay lang 'yan, mini fan 'tong akin-" Ate Sarah added before she was cut off by our Mom.

Mama walked in rushing everyone to head towards the car, "Sean, Sarah, tama na 'yan, bilis! Punta na sa kotse." Saad niya sabay hablot sa bag nito.

Nang maka-pasok, patuloy pa ring nag-aaway ang dalawa. Nilingon ako ni Papa, "ayos ka lang?" Mahinahong tanong nito.

Tumango ako, "opo, Pa."

As my dad drove off to church, hindi ko mapigilang mapa-isip. I found myself lost into my thoughts. I can still remember when I was on my third grade, the year when I lost my title as an academic awardee, my Mom couldn't accept it. From then on, I never seem to make her proud.

"Shiloh, what is this? Pati performance mo bumaba! Is this because of that friend of yours? I've told you long before, hindi siya magandang impluwensya sa'yo." Sigaw niya habang hinihila ako papunta sa kwarto ko.

"You've failed, Shiloh. I've expected a lot from you."

When I was on my seventh grade, I wanted to try again, hoping that I can make her proud of me again. So, I decided to join the Ballet. During the rehearsals, practices.. everything was great! Until it was the day I have been waiting for, it was time for my solo performance.

Everything was going smoothly. I danced like I owned the stage. I did a jete before, my music stopped. I landed on the ground and did an arabesque, posing. Nakatitig silang lahat sa akin, judging my whole existence. Yet, I still manage to smile. From the stage, I saw my Mom with her arms crossed on her chest while she shook her head.

Beads of sweat formed on my forehead. I glanced at my trainer, kausap niya ang nag-m-manage ng music namin. She turned to me, it seemed as though her eyes were talking to me, telling me how sorry she is. I looked at my Mom. Still, she was staring right at me. I know, O failed.. I know I did. Pero, hindi pa ba sapat ang rason na technical error lang yo'n?

I couldn't bear it anymore. I was standing there for over a minute long. Tears were forming on my eyes as I ran back off into the backstage. Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko, not because of what happened, dahil alam ko na ang pwedeng maging reaksyon ni Mama.

"Disappoinment! Disappoinment! That's what you are!" She screamed at me while I sat at the corner crying my eyes out. I was only 12 years old that time. Why does she have to treat me like that?

Those years, I thought that I was completely useless. Nothing but a complete disappointment. My Mom favored my older sister and younger brother much more than me. From there, I became the black sheep of our family.

Maya-maya ay nakarating na kami sa simbahan. Tahimik ang lahat at wala nang masyadong imik. 'Di nag tagal ay natapos na rin ang misa. Tumigin muna kaming tatlo nina Ate sa labas ng simbahan habang hinihintay sila Mama. Maya-maya ay naisipan naming bumili ng taho.

"Wala akong extra." Sean pouted.

"May project din akong kailangang paggastusan." Sagot naman ni Ate.

"Ate, 'diba may utang ka pa sakin-"

"Manahimik ka nga, Martin! Bayad na 'ko no! Last week pa." Sagot ni Ate sabay hampas kay Sean.

"Si Ate kasi pasimuno, nag-crave tuloy ako!" Pag-dadrama ni Sean.

"Ako na lang," I volunteered.

"Uy first time!" Sigaw ni Sean na agad naman siniko ni Ate. "..pwede dalawa?"

I laughed slightly before nodding. Bihira lang akong lumabas ng bahay, madalas ang ruta ako kay bahay, coffee shop at paminsan-minsan ay sa simbahan sa tuwing kinukulit ako ng mga kapatid ko.

"Uy, Shiloh, gusto mong sumama?" Tanong ni Ate Sarah. "Shiloh? Okay ka lang?"

"Ha? Oo Ate, bakit? May kailangan ka?" Halos sunod-sunod kong tanong.

The two looked at each other, "gusto ka lang naming tanungin kung gusto mong sumama." Saad ni Ate. Her voice seemed comforting.

My eyebrows furrowed, "saan?"

Ate Sarah pointed at the group of people at the nearby park, handing flyers and some even has instruments. May nakasabit ding tarpaulin sa isa sa mga lamesa nila. I began reading its content.

"Worship service, next sunday, baka gusto mong sumama samin." Ngiti ni Ate.

Sean nodded, "punta ka Ate!"

I looked back at the tarpaulin before looking back at them, "pag-iisipan ko."

Tumango na lang ang dalawa. They knew they couldn't force me. Dumating na sila Mama at Papa, we went to the car before driving off, heading to the house that never felt like home.