Marci
Shit shit shit shit shit shit SHIT
what do i do?
what is happening??
"You don't have to tell me" Ethan sighed defeatedly as we sat side by side on the swing set. "I know you might not be able to."
"I'm sorry Eth' I really want to tell you but just please try to understand." I pleaded, desperate for any sense of forgiveness he could provide me with.
He was right.
I couldn't.
I really really wanted to tell him, but I just couldn't.
It would only make things worse.
I had a feeling he suspected just what was happening, but if I said it, then my secret would be out, and everything could worsen for my siblings.
My problems weren't more important than my siblings', and while Joey might get a real shot at life if word were to get out, the rest of us would go into foster care, which was my worst nightmare.
I'd already experienced the worst of what foster care could carry, but Sean hadn't? And what about Ollie? Tadgh? If something happened to one of my babies I didn't know if I could ever forgive myself.
I might care for this boy, but I had made a promise to Joe. And I wouldn't break it for anyone. I couldn't tell him yet.
"Ethan I want to-" I hesitated.
"But you can't. I get it Marc, I know. But promise me. Promise me that you'll tell me when you can." he pressed, his tone hard as his eyes bored holes into the side of my face.
I sighed deeply. I didn't break promises.
It meant a lot if I made one.
"I promise Eth' someday I will."
It was silent for a moment before I spoke again.
"And when I do, I promise it'll be you."
"Why can't you just say it?"
"I can I just-" I hesitated. I can.
Just tell him
you can trust him.
just say it
just say it
say it
say it
say it!!
"Eth-"
My phone ringing almost startled me out of my skin, and Ethan groaned, frustrated at the interruption.
I looked over to him hesitantly before accepting the call and holding it up to my ear without breaking our eye contact.
"Where's your brother?" Aoife's familiar voice blasted through my phone speaker and I flinched at the severity of the sound.
Full volume...
"Ha- which one? There's too many nowadays." I joked lightly, swishing my hair off of my shoulders as I clicked my volume button and ignored the nervous tremor that shot through my hand.
"Joey. Where is Joey. Has he messaged you?" she questioned back frantically through the phone, clearly not in the mood for banter.
"No- I haven't heard a word, w-why? Is he okay?" I asked her, concern growing in the pit of my stomach.
"He left at lunch to go for a smoke and never came back-". She hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "Marc' I'm worried he's relapsed." she whispered, her voice breaking at the words.
My heart sunk to my ass and I felt my breathing halt.
No
no
no
no
nonononononononononono
not now
not today
not joey.
My thoughts spiraled. Not my brother. Not again.
"Breathe" Ethan spoke suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts as he placed his arm across my shoulders and reached down to grab my hand.
I sucked in a breath of air to no avail, as I still felt deprived.
"It's okay" he soothed, rubbing circles atop the palm of my hand while he pulled me into his side.
"Who are you with? Is that Joe? Are you lying?" Aoife questioned, reminding me of her presence on the phone as I held it back up to my ear.
"No- no, It's Ethan, I haven't seen Joe, but I've got a feeling you're right Aoife. Much' as I want to deny it, I know you're right." I rambled into the phone, staying stiff against Ethan's arm.
This was bad. Really really really bad.
If Joey had really relapsed, then I had no clue what I was going to do.
I'd seen the signs, fuck, I'd found the pills in the pocket of his sweats, but I'd chosen to remain ignorant, and now it was coming back to bite me.
Because it was my fault.
Was he back into heroin?
shit shit shit shit shit.
calm down calm down. SHIT how do I calm down?
Ethan nudged my head with his arm, and I laid it against his chest as I felt my worries fade away at his touch.
That's how.
Thank God
"Hmmm" I sighed contently, while simultaneously falling deep into thought.
"Aoif' I'll be there in ten." I assured, before clicking off the phone and peeking up at Ethan.
"Care to drive?" I asked, flashing him the biggest smile possible and trying to guilt him into taking me.
He didn't answer, and just cracked a grin at me.
"Pretty please with a cherry on top?" I asked again, desperate. "I'll do anything!"
"Anything?" he questioned, smirking at me.
"Yes! Anything! I'll make you as many cookies as you want!"
"God you're so clueless" he laughed, standing from his spot around me and walking away, leaving me alone.
Ughhhhh
I should have just answered him.
"What are ya doing just standing there? Come get in the car?" he teased, swinging his key ring around his pointer finger playfully.
"Thank you thank you thank you!!" I squealed excitedly, clambering towards him and enveloping him in a grateful hug with all of the strength I was capable of.
"Yeah, yeah, but you owe me cookies" he quipped back as he opened my car door for me and motioned for me to get inside.
"Deal!"
★・・・・・・★
Authors Note
This took me way too long to write. Didn't know what to do with this. If you suggestions, I'll write them, just comment them here!
Ily all!! (You are loved!! 💗)
- Kat
WC- 978
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