AS FAR AS THE MOON (english version)

VIII - Ayla

"But what was happiness if not an excess,
a condition impossible to maintain,
partly because it was a concept too
difficult to express?"
- Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

I really didn't know what to think. The meeting with my brother's friends, the boy I had met the night before, the discussion with him. It had all happened so quickly, my head was in turmoil. I mean, what were the chances that the same person who had saved me from those shady guys was actually my brother's best friend? And that he was a complete asshole?!

At the mere recollection, irritation swirled around me like a vortex. The way he had treated me, making me feel like an idiot.

His behaviour towards me had been really absurd. I mean, who the hell did he think he was? He had belittled me with that cocky way of his, acting like I was selfish when all I wanted was for Aidan not to worry for nothing. He hadn't even considered seeing the state of things from my point of view—as if I hadn't had a bad experience myself, as if I hadn't been terrified at the idea that those two could actually hurt me.

He had reacted as if I had underestimated the situation, when I knew full well that I had been in danger—I was aware that it had been quite serious.

Nevertheless, I could understand why he wanted me to tell Aidan everything, and if the circumstances had been different, I probably would have. But, thanks to Kyran—as much as it pained me to say it, at this point—nothing had happened, so what was the point? Aidan would have died of fright, and for what? It would only have made things worse between us, considering that a few hours earlier we had just finished arguing on that damn terrace.

The more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that the words Kyran had spoken were extreme, to say the least. With a single, stupid motivation he had spat venom like a damn snake, completely ignoring my side of the story. I could not imagine that the same boy who had been so kind in walking me on my way home could be just as unforgiving and rude. Anger boiled in my veins—my skin burned heat.

I remembered how silent he had been for the rest of the evening, although I had noticed the glances brimming with contempt with which he had gratified me between arguments.

I didn't understand why he was so upset, but, honestly, it stopped mattering to me. Settling things with him was really the least of my worries. He had clearly shown me what his true self was, and I didn't care at all about trying to have a relationship with someone like that.

The fact that I wouldn't be able to avoid him for long gave me a strong twinge of annoyance. I was sure I would have to interact with him again, considering that he was an important presence for Aidan. It made me roll my eyes.

I couldn't say the same about Niko and Khai. They had been extremely kind and friendly towards me—I had felt so... accepted. They had given me a very warm welcome, as if getting to know me had been the most exciting part of their day.

Niko had turned out to be the funniest, he couldn't say two words without slipping a sleazy joke in between, making me laugh out loud every time. Khai, on the other hand, was really the nicest person I had ever met. He had told me about the adventure he and Aidan had had in designing the decor of my room, blushing from head to toe when I thanked and complimented him on the result of their work. They were both so adorable—what the hell was wrong with Kyran?

I shook my head, abandoning my face in my hands. I huffed irritably as the students bustled among the shelves around my study table.

The library was exactly as I had imagined it to be, a quiet and peaceful place where I could browse in peace and perhaps take the opportunity to read a good book without any background noise, as I had learned from my experience in the courtyard. It was less crowded than I had thought, and I had ended up getting attached to a small table by the window in the classics wing, with a view of the garden at the back of the building and blackout curtains for working on the computer.

I curled a strand of hair around my index finger and nibbled on the cap at the top of the pen in an attempt to solve the crossword puzzle I had found in a magazine among those available in the study area. Concentrating on the little head-scratchers relaxed me, and I had gotten into the habit of doing it whenever I couldn't turn off my thoughts.

When I realised it wasn't working at all, however, I gave up and decided to go and freshen up, hoping to wash away the torment with cold water. The whole Kyran thing had made me nauseous.

I took my things and made my way to the girls' toilets.

I entered with a quick step before wetting my face on one of the sinks in front of the mirror. I stared at my reflection for a few moments before huffing and turning off the tap. I pulled out one of the towels with the intention of drying myself off when a strange burning smell numbed my nostrils.

I looked around—not a soul was there. I followed the trail to the toilet at the back, next to the window, and made to open the door.

"Jesus!" the girl inside gasped in fright, causing a shiver down my spine, "You scared the shit out of me!"

Honey-coloured hair contoured her face, arranged in small waves that tickled her cheekbones, while two huge hazel eyes looked at me in dismay.

"Sorry," I muttered, returning her a wary glance. Only later did I notice the cigarette she was clutching between her fingers, finally explaining the reason for all that smoky smell.
She followed my gaze back to it, turning red from head to toe.

"Please don't tell anyone. It isn't allowed to smoke in the courtyard and I really couldn't take it anymore. I'll get in serious trouble if the teachers find out."

I brought my hand to my face in a nervous gesture, but then agreed, "Don't worry, I won't say anything to anyone."
A glimmer of relief crossed her features. I grinned, "As long as you let me have two puffs."

The girl burst into laughter, revealing two small dimples piercing her cheeks. She pulled another cigarette from her packet, reaching out her hand to offer it to me, "Here."
I gave her a weak smile, "Thank you..."

I made to sit on the open window sill and she imitated me, settling down next to me with a smile on her face.
"Bad day?" she asked, handing me her lighter. I made to burn the tip of the rolled tobacco, inhaling slowly as the tension left my shoulders.

"Indeed," I huffed, but her friendly manner made me sketch a half grin.
I had to admit that she was really beautiful. I had always thought that light hair and dark eyes were a truly wonderful combination, but now I was certain.

"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Oh, it's silly. I was just in a bad mood, that's all," I absent-mindedly waved a hand. I wanted to erase that night from my mind, no matter how impossible it seemed.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I practically ran away from class earlier."
I huffed out a laugh, "Why?"
She shrugged, "Just anxiety, I guess. It's hard to get used to a new routine, y'know."

"Are you a freshman?"
She nodded, demoralised. "You too?"
"Yeah. I still have to come up with an outline for an essay and I have zero ideas. I was planning to work on it after class but I'm completely over it."

"Hmm..." she lowered her gaze, thoughtful. Silence fell for a few seconds before she hastily shrugged, "Let's ditch."
I widened my eyes. "What?"

"Let's ditch. Fuck it. I need a break, and so do you. What have we got to lose?"
I gave her an amused look, hiding a sneer under my cigarette, "You're not serious."
"I've never been more serious in my life!" she exclaimed dramatically, then flashed another smile.

I considered the idea, scanning her face thoughtfully. Actually, what did I have to lose? Plus, I liked her. It seemed exactly the atmosphere I needed. Besides, I wasn't good at making friends with other girls, and throwing away that opportunity seemed like a waste.
A wide grin clung to my face.
"Fine."

She looked at me astonished. "Really?"
"Yes, really. You're right, I have nothing to lose. Fuck it. I'm in."

She let out a little cry of joy and made to put out her cigarette and throw it out of the window. I imitated her, before she grabbed her things to lead me to the door, thrilled.

"Oh, crap, I almost forgot."
I looked at her amused, wrinkling my eyebrows in a quizzical look. She held out her hand to me.

"I'm Emma."
I huffed another laugh, before squeezing her palm in response. "Ayla, nice to meet you."