Mrs. Unwanted

Chapter 2:

(Okay guys this is a quick update I suppose I'm not sure if anyone actually reads this but  if i don't get like at least 5 views on the last chapter or even this one by Saturday I don't know if i may keep updating the story. Thank you xo.)

Carolinne died May 28, 2013 from overdosing on Tylenol. It has been very hard, it may have been 2 years but it feels like just yesterday I had to go to my best friends funeral. Her mom has started drinking and smoking on a regular basis since the death of Carolinne. People have been looking at me like the poor little girl who lost her best friend in freshman year. I'm a junior now and I'm still questioning myself. How did I not know my best friend was suicidal? Why didn't I ask? Why? Was it my fault? I mean I was with her 24/7. She seemed okay, we had our college dorm all planned out she wanted to live, she wanted a family, a career. Did she know there are people she could've talked to about this? And I don't mean her parents I mean a real person who has a PhD in psychology. Forgetting her is harder than any funeral. I want my best friend back, I now have no friends because I'm afraid she/he will leave me. I feel horrible for this but one day she said to me "Hey Lexi, if anything ever happens to me", okay, wait was that a sign? Was that a "help me I'm killing myself little by little I need you" sign? See I question myself too much, I like to think it's my fault. Okay im sorry, anyways she said "Hey Lexi, if anything ever happens to me I left some things for you in the first drawer of my nightstand, the key to unlock it is under my mattress." I looked at her really puzzled "shut up nothing is ever gonna happen to me, not over my dead body!" I said, now it's more like over her dead body. Anyways, after the funeral her mom held a "hey my daughter just died lets go back to my house and drink booze to forget all about this horrible part of my life" kind of party. While I was there I went into her room just as I was opening her drawer her mom walked in, half drunk. "Lex..." "Hi Ms. Jones" (Carolinnes parents were divorced) "what are you doing here?" "oh" I said as my voice cracked and eyes watered, "C- Carolinne, um she wanted me to have something when she left". "You knew? Why didn't you say anything?" now she was crying. "I didn't she told me about the things 4 months before she died, I had no clue" "Okay honey, I'll leave you" she left with a champagne bottle in one hand and her shoe in the other. As I opened the drawer I saw a box an antique looking wooden box, which I still have after 2 years. The box contained a picture of us the last day of 8th grade, a picture of us the first day of high school, and a picture of 5 year old us, when we met. Under all the pictures, nail polishes, random crap, and drawings of our college dorms was a letter. I opened it, the first thing it read was "I'm sorry", Tears started rolling down onto the 40 page notebook. " I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how hard this must be, maybe I was selfish to do this, I've felt this ever since that model agency. I didn't care about what they thought but apparently my self-esteem did." Carolinne had applied for a model agency thing but she didn't get accepted, apparently she wasn't good enough even though she was gorgeous. "As im writing this I feel sad, disconnected to the people who I once thought loved me, except you. I look at my chubs and cry, I know you think im skinny and so does my scale 110 pounds and im 5'7. But my eyes see a 6,000 pound body and I cant control it, something horrible has taken over me, over my mind, over my form of thinking I need some help, I cant handle this I may be gone in about 2 months, I don't want to kill me, but the voice in my head, the horrible thing that has taken over me has to go, and it cant go without me going too. Im sorry.

Love,

Carolinne or Mrs. Unwanted."

I decided I was gonna read 10 pages a month since It took her 4 months to go and there was 40 pages, so that's what I did.