If you go, i go 🧡

271 7 16
                                    

Words-1587
T/W- sad, crying, mentions of suicide, mental health problems.
Hope you like this!
I love lil peep and this song fits perfectly I think so I put it!😢.

~°°~

~ 3rd person ~

Chris's mental health has been bad. Really bad. He's barely come out of his room and when he does it's to get snacks and Pepsi. Not actual meals, and he only goes out when he know his brothers are either out, in their rooms or sleep. He hasn't showered in days even weeks. This started when he got into an argument with Nick and Matt. After the fight he found himself scrolling through comments on their videos and started to see hate. And he believed them. The thing about Chris is he loved talking. He loved it so much that he got annoyed at how much he loved it so he thought it would be better to just..stop talking. He thought he just shouldn't. Shouldn't talk, see, hug or communicate to anyone. He didn't leave his bed for a good 5 days before he left because he was going to starve otherwise. Nick and Matt were a bit stupid for at least 7 days before Matt realised how bad Chris is. Nick was a bit more stupid than Matt in a way it took him 9 and a half days. Anyways. It's now been almost 7weeks. Over 2 months.

~ Chris's PoV ~

I can't do this anymore. This has been going on for too long. I can't stop it. It's like a jammed switch that won't flip back up. It's been on my mind for a while. 3 weeks to be exact and I've tried. Really I have. But, I just want to be in peace with and not hurt all the time. No one would care anyway. The fans pretty much have given up asking us for videos now. Nick and Matt couldn't care less. I have nothing. No one. So tomorrow I'm gonna be leaving the house for the first time in weeks. And it's not for anything good either. I'll write a letter I guess, I mean I doubt they'll even notice I'm gone. I just want them to know. It's just easier like this.

~ Matts PoV ~

Me and Nick have been really worried about Chris. He hasn't spoken to us in months and I don't even think he knows how long it's been. Me and Nick are gonna check on him tomorrow but today we'll come up with things to say first. I'm scared if we say the wrong thing he'll get worse or shut us out even more if that's possible. He's blocked everyone on his contacts, I know this because everyone has tried and it goes straight to (I don't know what it's called soz but it's a bot that says there not available or something😭).

-°time skip next morning°-

~ Nicks PoV ~

Me and Matt have been up most of the night brainstorming things to say to Chris. I'm worried for him. I don't want him doing something he might regret, like shutting us out long enough for us to almost forget about him, or worse. I don't like thinking about it. Bürger does Matt. He doesn't want to admit he's been thinking the same as I have but I know he has. I've heard him crying in his room when I go to get a drink at night. I don't think he knows.

Around 7pm.
It's dark outside.

~ Chris's PoV ~

I'll go now. It's dark enough for people not to notice me. I put on my shoes and place the note I written on my neatly made bed. I know making my bed didn't really matter right now but I hadn't made it in so long I felt I had to. Plus it's now the only tidy thing in here. My floor, desk and bathroom are all covered in clothes or trash that I haven't put away yet. I open my door just to be hit with light. That really hurt my eyes. I've been living in pitch darkness for so long I feel like a vampire. Cool I guess. I walk upstairs and hear my brothers, there not up here tho I think they're in Nicks room. So I slip out the front door.

It's windy and raining a bit. It's like I'm in a movie, except if I was in a movie there would probably be depressing music or some shit. (I'm listening to depressing music writing this, who else?? Just me😭okay.💀)

I make my way down the road towards an abandoned building. It's tall. Perfect. I climb the deteriorating stairs slowly. (I use big English words🤣)

~ Matts PoV ~

We head to Chris's room and have something to say. Nick knocks and no answer. Not surprised. "Chris? Can we talk to you." Nick says calmly through the door. No answer. "I think we should just go in, he isn't gonna answer." I whisper to Nick. He agrees. I go first. The door slowly creaking open. I poke my head around. "Chris?" I try to be quiet but not too quiet here can't hear me. "The beds empty. And made." I turn to Nick confused. "What?" He says, normal voice. And he opens the door and turns the light on. The worst thing to see. The one thing I didn't want to see. A fucking letter. "No...Nick you don't think that's-" I shake my head fast and speak fast with breath. Nick says nothing and walks towards it. He opens the folded piece of paper.

~ nicks PoV ~

I only need to read 4 words to know what this is. Fuck. No. Nonononononono. A tear slips from my eye as I look up at Matt. I look back down and start to read.

Nick and Matt,
You probably won't even get this or care but u thought I write this anyway. I've been having a really hard time lately..well for a long time and I just can't deal with it anymore. I've tried really, i have I swear but. I just don't know anymore. I know we haven't talked in a long time and i understand your life has probably been better without me constantly talking. Your welcome.
I love you guys so much and I'll watch over.
But my final place is at the abandoned building on **** street. It's pretty there so I'm fine with it I guess. It's got nice nature and I remember when we were kids we used to always go down that road and see deers in the overgrown field. It was nice being younger and happier. I wish we stayed like that forever. Anyways.
~Chris xx

I look at Matt, tears rolling down both of our faces. "We can get there in time right? He doesn't have a licence so he had to walk right?" I say. Matt just nods and starts running upstairs. Probably to the car. I follow after him after folding the piece of paper and putting it in my pocket.

We're in the car now speeding past houses and buildings. Going over the speed limit but we couldn't care less right now. We make the turning to **** street and look for the building we know Chris is at. Of course it's the furthest away. We stop the car and get out slamming the doors shut. "CHRIS!" I try shouting while running but I don't do it more. No energy and I have to focus of getting to the top.

- Matts PoV ~

We're getting closer to the top, tears still rolling down my face and won't stop. The rain making them a bit less noticeable but still. You could tell I was crying I just know it. We reach the roof and see Chris. We made it in time thank fuck. "CHRIS!" I shout. He span around.

~ 3rd person ~

Chris wasn't expecting them to be here, he wasn't expecting anything from anyone really. He can see Nick and Matt standing there with there arms out.(they look like this ✋🏻😭🤚🏻) as if to try steady him not to fall. "Why are you guys here." Chris says. He's up on a short wall almost at the edge. "Chris please don't do anything!" Nick says. A tear escapes Chris's eye. "I'm sorry." Chris takes a small step back. Almost at the edge. "CHRIS PLEASE DONT DO THIS!" Matt shouts crying even more. He takes a step towards Chris. "Why do you even care. Your lives would be better. I just ruin things and make everyone mad." Chris says. More tears are leaking out his eyes now and his bottom lips quivering. "NO YOU DONT. I LOVE YOU AND YOU NEVER MAKE ANYTHING BAD! I SWEAR YOUR THE BEST LITTLE BROTHER ANYONE COULD EVER WANT!" Nick chimes in shouting and crying. The wind is picking up and there all soaked head to toe. Chris starts shaking his head. "I can't do this anymore guys please leave." He says moving the other foot to align them. (Backwards) he closes his eyes too. He wants to fall and be with peace. Suddenly Matt runs up to him and before he has time to react matts up there with him. "Matt what are you-" before Chris can finish Matt grabs hold of Chris's arm. "If you go, I go."

~°°~

I'm going to do a part 2 cuz it's a bit long but tell me if you want a part 2 actually so😭 should I continue? Or make a new one?!? PLEASE HELP!

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