Just One Universe Away

chapter 3 - tides

Sunlight filtered through the thin white curtains, stinging my eyes and waking me up. The morning of my sixteenth birthday was so still, so quiet. I would've liked to lay there for eternity, doing nothing, thinking nothing, feeling nothing. It was so peaceful.

"CARLEEEEENE!!"

I let out my usual morning sigh, and as I did routinely, lifted my body to be greeted by the uncomfortably large mirror that stood opposite me. It wasn't always there, and when I foolishly asked Aunt Emery why she moved it, she off-handedly replied that "It just wasn't in its place." Even at the impressionable age of thirteen, I could tell that there was probably some other sinister reason behind the move (as with all of Aunt's actions) but only now, at sixteen, could I appreciate the full effect of Aunt Emery's cunningly placed mental torture device. Whenever I looked into that mirror for more than ten seconds, I would immediately be taken back to the terrible day, when twelve year old me transported herself into a world of such marvel and fantasy, that at the time, she believed it to be a dream. Little did she know her curse was to blossom into an unending nightmare.

I could taste the saltwater back then. All I did was breathe deep, and suddenly a new, astonishing array of aromas, scents and tastes were tickling me. The tangy saltwater, the crisp air, the warm night, the grainy sand, the strong winds, all danced around me in a parade; so alive, so different, and yet so harmonious. During the long ride to the mansion, I continuously took deep breaths to calm my pounding nerves, and all I could taste was a slight trace of smoke from the enormous factories we were passing. It was unpleasant and cold, and I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare. Now, although I was still alone, I was warm, and at peace, and wished to never wake from the magical dream.

I stayed there for hours, not questioning anything. One moment I was in the bedroom, the next standing on cool sand. Any normal person would've had questions, but little me had only intense gratitude, and blocked out any other unwanted thoughts - maybe because I was a child, maybe because an explanation did not change anything, as I had learnt questioning my parents' deaths again and again until my brain ached and stomach churned. 

I don't know how long it was exactly, before I noticed something. Gazing far into the clear blue water, I saw a small splash, sprinkles of the sea jumping out as if in a hurrah. I froze then, squinting in hopes of catching whatever was out there. When I was younger, Mother and I used to travel to multiple beaches, as if on a tour, and exploring the waters was always her favourite part. She was a scientist at heart, passionate about discovery and nature, and always wanted to be more than she was. "Humans are so limited. We are but flesh and bones and feelings. But the ocean - my child, the ocean - is limitless and grand. What we cannot be, what we cannot do, what we cannot inhibit within ourselves, the ocean can. In another world, I would be the ocean, and in me I would carry worlds and friends and a wealth of love, for you, Carlene." My mother's smile played in my mind like an abandoned video, threadbare with dust, gleaming with nostalgia. My mind was overtaken with this force, and like a small, broken zombie, I walked. I stumbled through the sand, eyes locked on the splash. It was greater now, more noticeable, but still far out, further than Mother would let me swim. But I wasn't swimming; now I was trudging through, the water at my thigh. It was cold, but not cold enough to wake me up from whatever illusory daze I was trapped in. 

"Mother?" I whisper.

"Mom?!" I shout

"MOMMY!!" I scream, ploughing against the tide, pulling myself forward, tears blurring my vision, stretching my arm out in hopes of at least grazing against my mother's soft skin again. I believed that with both of my arms outstretched, she would come and pick me up and lift me above her head, spinning in the living room, and then once she was dizzy enough, she would pull my small, helpless body in for a squeeze and kiss my cheek. She would fall back into the sofa, and for that short time, forget about her own hopes and dreams, and only be my mom. 

The waves were crashing against each other more frequently - larger and heavier. Rain slashed, pierced the ground and hit my face, like a thousand needles falling. In my heart, I knew. I was chasing nothing. I waded onwards. Death was irreversible, I was only human, and could not compete against the ocean's greatness, it could only consume me. Maybe that was my mother's love. Still, I waded onwards.

Whatever was in the ocean before, was but a blur of nothingness, hidden by raging waves, a ruthless rainstorm, and harsh tears. But I carried on, and on, and on, catching quick breaths in between heavy footsteps, until i wasn't walking on anymore, but floating helplessly in the vast waters. In front of me was a wave, as huge as my father's body leaning over to protect me from rain. His large covering was a comfort, this large covering only induced fear. I wasn't ready to die. "I LIED! I LIED, MOMMY!! I'M NOT READY TO SEE YOU JUST YET, I'M SORRY!"

The wave was closer, it blocked my vision.

"DADDY!! SAVE ME! I NEED YOU, I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW! YOU SAID YOU'D ALWAYS BE HERE FOR ME, WHERE ARE YOU, WHERE ARE YOU DADDY?!"

I pleaded to an empty sky, an empty world, where no-one heard my shrieks.

The wave crashed onto me, and everything went dark.