One Summer Only

Chapter Five

Warning: Eating disorders discussed

When I woke up, Luke was nowhere to be found. It was like I had dreamed everything. From the moment he entered my room, to the moment he lay next to me, moving his thumb up and down my bare torso.  I couldn't have dreamt that...right?

I laid there on my firm mattress until I felt like getting up. When I got up, the clock on my bedside table read 10:30 am. I raised my arms above my head, closing my eyes as I stretched. Once a little bit more awake, I made my way across my room toward my bathroom door.  I quickly brushed my teeth and fixed my bedhead. Figuring I should change out of my short shorts, I put on a pair of jean shorts and a tank top reading Nashville, Tennessee with small little rips along the shoulder. Once clothed, I left my room and made my way down to the kitchen. Upon entering the kitchen, I was met with a wonderful smell of vanilla pancakes along with scrambled eggs. Only three out of the nine people in this house could cook: Kelly, Mom, and...Luke.

There at the stove, stood Luke. He was currently wearing jeans and a white high school football t-shirt. When we was in high school, he played for the high school's football team. He was a wide receiver...possibly one of the best one to ever play at our high school, but I would never tell him that. He didn't need anymore boosts to his ego than what the school and other people had already given him.

"Your plate is sitting on the counter." I jumped, not expecting him to notice me in the room. Wait that means he knew you were staring at him! Embarrassment flooded my cheeks. "Thank you."

I walked over to the counter and grabbed the plate of flood. It looked delicious. I hadn't had Luke's homemade pancakes in so long that my mouth was salivating by just looking at the food. I sat down at the dining room table and began to devour the food in front of me. "Did you eat last night?" I paused mid bite, shocked to be asked such a question.

One thing about me...I've struggled with an eating disorder for years. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was a  sophomore. At that time, I had noticed the extra weight on my thighs and more specifically in my stomach area. It also didn't help that I was being bullied that year.  A girl named Carly had made it her mission to make my sophomore year a living hell. I had always been the quiet girl. Sure I had friends, but that was only because Caleb, being a junior at the time, had pushed his friends to be my friends. Don't get me wrong, I am very appreciative of the friends I have made, thanks to my brother, but it sometimes makes me feel like an inconvenience.

Anyway, Carly had always made comments on my body. If it wasn't about the structure of my face, then it was the fact that I had thunder thighs. Not knowing what that meant at the time, I searched in up on google, and that only added to the long list of insecurities I had developed about my body. I soon began limiting what I ate. If I was asked if I had eaten or if I was hungry, I would make up an excuse and say I wasn't hungry or that I had eaten an hour prior. It wasn't long after, that my habits began to become out of control. In the forthcoming months, I would lose over 30 pounds, making my weight drop to 110. My family didn't start realizing a decline in my health until I began to develop symptoms of fatigue and nausea. Once realization dawned on them, my mother cried non stop. She was blaming herself for not noticing early enough, whereas my brother was asking me why I didn't tell him about Carly or why I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell him I was struggling. Once again, the answer to that...I just don't want to be an inconvenience to anyone. 

"um...yeah I have," I shyly answered. I began seeing a therapist after my family caught on to my eating disorder. It wasn't until the summer after my sophomore year that Caleb told Luke about my health issues.  Since then, Luke made it his mission to make sure I had eaten. He was always looking out for me, and for that I am entirely grateful for him. "You would tell me if you were struggling, right? I don't want you to become sick again." Luke had migrated across the kitchen and into the open dining room area. He sat down beside me, looking directly into my eyes.