Diary of Jewel

Entry 1: July 3rd

Dear Journal,

I'm not sure if I'll be able to update this often. So much craziness happens in my life, it's not even funny. But I'm going to try. All of my friends have their own problems. Besides, out of all of them, I've likely gone through the least. No, I can't talk to any of them, I'm not going to burden them with my problems. So, I guess you'll be my listener.

I've been so worried lately. About everything. We can hardly last a week of peacefulness before someone comes and kidnaps someone. What do they want with us? All of these disappearances are terrifying. Now, nearly everyone is hurt. Danae is covered in gashes- both her arms, her cheek, her forehead, and her ankle- and all of them are at risk of becoming infected because of that lemon juice that had been poured in them. I'm so worried that there's residue in them, I'm not sure if my disinfectant is strong enough to get rid of it completely. If it gets infected, and I really hope they don't, it will likely be bad. Infections are nothing to joke about.

Raven worries me even more. She, like Danae, is covered with gashes. Unlike Danae, she had something far worse than lemon juice poured into her wounds: acid. I've never had to deal with acid before. I just keep cleaning her wounds, but I'm so scared that it's not enough. For all I know, the acid is still in her system and doing all kinds of damage!

Wes is hurt, too. He had been put on some sort of stretching machine. I swear he's a full inch taller now. When he started bugging Serena- the girl who had kidnapped us- she started stretching him on some sort of spikes. They cut gashes into his back as he was stretched, and I'm almost positive that those spikes were filthy. I've been cleaning his wounds as often as I can, but my disinfectant hurts him, and I hate seeing my friends in pain. He's lost so much blood, he's been looking really pale lately. 

Hazel- I'm still unsure of what happened to her. She's covered in 1st degree burns and gashes. I have no idea how this happened to her, but her wounds are relatively clean, thank the gods. But she's still hurt, and I have to keep reminding her to take it easy.

Elana's worrying me the most. Her whole back is practically covered in burns, either 2nd or 3rd degree, depending on the area. It looks like someone was painting on her back. The worst thing is, she can barely move without it hurting. She's been confined to her cot for close to a week now, and she's getting restless. Those burns are going to scar her back terribly, but the thing I'm more worried about is her athsma. It was getting better, but Serena had made a fire under her table, and the smoke was so thick and dark. Who knows how much of that smoke she inhaled! Now her athsma has flared up again and she is coughing close to all the time. Burns I can treat, but I'm not a miracle worker. I have no idea how to help her. I just hope the others don't find out. They're depending on me. I can't let them down. I just can't.

Killian managed to get out with relatively minor wounds. All he has is a broken wrist, so I just have to keep making sure the bone is in the correct place. I may have to ask him to keep his volume level down, however. He's making it hard for me to concentrate.

Then there's me. And I'm not hurt at all. I just kept being doused with water and then I would be electricuted. It hurt a lot, but I came out unscathed. But now I've been in so many life-and-death situations with water, I'm terrified of it now. It's stupid of me, I know. To have gone through less than my friends have and be scared of water. I feel so pathetic. All of my friends- they're so strong. And then I feel like I'm breaking down at the slightest hint of danger. Why am I getting so scared so easily? I just keep burdening them, why am I not stronger? I'm so weak compared to them. 

If I weren't here, so many things could have been prevented. As soon as I arrived here, I was attacked by Slenderman and I almost died. While they were trying to stop me from dying, Slenderman was causing chaos. He could've been taken down so much quicker if I hadn't been such a victim.

 Then there was Loki. Sure, I helped a little, but I became a victim. Again. When I tried to help I ended up getting knocked unconscious and I almost drowned because I don't know how to swim. If I hadn't been there, I wouldn't have needed to be saved and they could have saved the others without me.

Then Wes and Ari. I was /there/. Wes got kidnapped /right in front of me/ and I couldn't do a thing! If it had been Danae or Raven or Annabeth there, they wouldn't have been knocked out. They would have saved him! I could have prevented all that torture he went through, stopped him from getting those scars. Wes went through so much pain, and all because I was too weak to stop it.

Then my birthday came around. I got kidnapped and nobody even noticed that I was missing until the next day when Raven found my backpack! If that doesn't state how much I'm needed, I don't know what does! Then when they found out, Killian tried to save me and then he got hurt. That's all I do. Make people get hurt. 

Ari again. She possessed Raven and none of us were able to stop it! Then, as soon as I got an idea, I got stabbed and passed out for a week. I was the only one who got hurt. Then everyone wasted their energy trying to get me back on my feet instead of being productive.

 And then after that, I got kidnapped by Loki and got my memory wiped! I couldn't remember a thing! I can't believe that I became evil. I still remember those fake memories that had been planted in my head; they make me shudder. I just can't believe that I was controlled so easily. I hurt everyone. I almost killed Elana! It took me so long to recover from that. Still, when I think back on it, I feel immensely guilty. I'm supposed to heal people, not hurt them. But I hurt my friends, hurt everyone. I'm so ashamed of myself. 

No wonder they left me behind on all those quests. I'm pathetic. I'm so weak. I can't even stop my friends from getting hurt. I can't think of a single time that I've really made a difference on a quest. Not one. Maybe it's best that they just leave me behind. Whenever I try to help, I either make things worse or get someone hurt. I wish I was stronger. Nothing I do ever seems to make an impact. All I am is a victim. Useless.

Sometimes I think about just staying here in the woods. See how long it takes for them to realize I'm not there. I'm not important, and I probably never will be. Everyone would better off without me.

Thanks for listening, Journal.

Jewel 

Some_Random_Demigod Let's see if this works.