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liked by billieeilish and 235,682 others jamiewebb pure love
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eilishmylove OMG BILLIE LIKED
chihiroforlunch this duo is 🔛🔝‼️
whimperfart089 my cuties !!
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as i made my way home from school, i noticed my mom was passed out on the couch once again. i'm so tired of this, honestly. i wish my dad didn't leave. i wish we were a happy family again. i made my way to the kitchen to fix me a sandwich since i didn't eat anything for lunch. even school is fucking exhausting. after i made my sandwich, i went to my room. i laid on my bed, put in my earbuds, and shuffled my spotify playlist until 'when the party's over' by billie eilish came on - a song i finally liked. "JAMIE!" i heard my mom yell. "GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!" she screamed once again. i let out a sigh as i forced myself to get off my bed. once i made my way down to the kitchen my mom stood there with angry eyes. her eyes were sunken, her skin pale, and her voice slurred. she reeked of alcohol and something else, something sweet and pungent. i knew that smell, i hated that smell. she glared at me, her eyes narrowing as she swayed back and forth. "you think you're so smart, don't you?" she sneered, her words dripping with malice. "you think you can just ignore me, ignore this?" she waved her hand, and i followed it to the coffee table, where a mess of pills and empty bottles littered the surface. my stomach twisted, my heart raced. not again. please, not again. "mom, please..." i started, but she cut me off. "shut up, jamie. just shut the fuck up and get me another drink." i tried to reason with her, to plead with her to stop, but she just laughed, a cold, mirthless sound. she stumbled towards me, her eyes wild and unfocused. i backed away, but she kept coming, her arms outstretched. "mom, please..." i whispered, but she just kept coming. and then, suddenly, she collapsed. she crumpled to the floor, her body twitching and jerking. i froze, paralyzed with fear. "mom?" i whispered, but she didn't respond. i crept closer, my heart racing, and saw the empty pill bottle beside her. the same pills she had been taking for years, the same pills that had slowly been killing her. i felt a scream building in my throat as i realized what had happened. i had tried to save her, but it was too late. she was gone. ———
after the funeral, i moved in with my dad and his new family. i had never met them before, but my dad said it would be best for me to start fresh. as we pulled up to the house, i felt a knot in my stomach. this was it, my new home. my dad introduced me to helen, his wife, and ida, my new step-sister. helen was smiling and friendly, but i could tell she was trying too hard. ida, on the other hand, looked like she'd rather be anywhere else. she was a few years younger than me, with piercing blue eyes and short, blonde hair. "hey, jamie," helen said, barely looking at me. "welcome to the family." i mumbled a hello, feeling like an outsider. helen showed me to my new room, which was small but cozy. i could hear ida's music blasting from across the hall, and i wondered what she was like. at dinner that night, we all sat around the table, trying to make small talk. ida barely spoke to me, but helen and my dad seemed determined to make this new family thing work. i appreciated their effort, but it was hard to shake off the feeling that i didn't belong here. as we finished up and started clearing the table, ida turned to me and grunted, "you can come see my room, i guess." she didn't even look at me, just started walking upstairs. i hesitated for a moment, but my dad gave me an encouraging nod, so i followed her. her room was a mess of clothes and music gear, but it felt like a sanctuary. she had posters on the wall and a guitar in the corner, and it smelled like incense and old books. she flopped down on her bed and started scrolling through her phone, not even looking at me. i stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do. she was younger than me, only thirteen, but she seemed so much older. finally, she looked up and said, "so, you're jamie." it wasn't a question, more like a statement. "yeah," i said, trying to sound friendly. "i'm jamie." she nodded and went back to her phone. i stood there for a few more minutes, feeling like an intruder. finally, i said, "well, i'll let you get back to...whatever you're doing." she didn't even respond, just kept scrolling. i took that as my cue to leave. as i closed the door behind me, i heard her music start up again, loud and angry. i wondered what her story was, what had made her so prickly and isolated. as i lay in bed that night, i couldn't shake off the feeling of being an outsider. i missed my old room, my old friends, and my old life. but most of all, i missed the life i wished i had - one where my mom wasn't a drug addict, where she wasn't always high or strung out, where she actually cared about me. i thought about all the times she'd promised to get clean, to be there for me, but never followed through. all the times she'd chosen her next fix over feeding me, over paying the bills, over being a mother. i thought about the countless nights i'd spent alone, wondering if she was even alive. i felt a familiar anger rising up, mixed with a deep sadness. i was angry at her for leaving me, for abandoning me to this new family. but mostly, i was angry at myself for still hoping she'd change, for still loving her despite everything. i finally drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the emotions i felt. but the next morning, the feeling of uncertainty lingered. i got dressed and headed downstairs, trying to shake off the gloom. helen was already in the kitchen, making breakfast. she smiled at me, and i forced a smile back. i didn't want to be rude, but i wasn't sure how to be around her yet. she was trying too hard, and it made me uncomfortable. "good morning, sweetie!" she chirped. "how are you today?" "i'm fine," i muttered, pouring myself a bowl of cereal. "okay, well, if you need anything, just let me know,"she said, her eyes lingering on me. i nodded, feeling like an outsider all over again. i wondered how long it would take for this to feel like home, for these people to feel like family. or if it ever would.
