Close to You

Second half:

He couldn't stop thinking about Minho and how much he wanted to cuddle with him right now. And it's probably because of the nature of their relationship that Han can't think about himself not being in love with him for the next couple of years at least. He was so dependent on the older one. He didn't want to give up on him.

.

.

.

-I love him-

-I know- Han sighed when Seungmin smiled proud of himself.

Again, they sat wrapped in a soft sheet on the couch of the recording studio trying to clean the last details of the song. But the tension between them was palpable from the beginning, and they couldn't keep kicking the topic anymore.

-I know you love him, I can see it in your eyes when you look at him. You look at him the same way I do- he froze. That caught his breath and made his stomach twirl.

-I...- he was out of words. His hands trembling from anxiety- I can't believe this...- he rested his face on his hands in frustration.

-You can't?- Seungmin sounded more chill about the situation than Han could ever- Can't say the same, I saw you the day you met him. I can bet you fell for him that same second you spotted him- he laughed, although not totally into it- I thought I was being too obvious tho... I'm starting to feel scare he could pinpoint it-

-I don't think so... I mean, isn't him a little to oblivious in general?- they both smiled- I realized it because... I was starting to feel jealous of how bold you were acting towards him lately...- he admitted with so much shame- But then I thought that maybe, just maybe, you were in the same position as me-

-You know me hyung. You always knew I had this soft spot for him. It surprised me it took you this long-

-This long?- they crossed gazes. Han's jaw dropped. Seungmin laughed again and both fell silent for a moment.

Why was it so painful to have this conversation even when they were not fighting or arguing?

It felt like something shattered between them.

-Since when? I'm curious-

-During the survival show, when we thought we'll never see him again- Han smiled softly at remembering how much Seungmin cried that night.

-You were so happy when he returned now that I think about it. So embarrassing- he tried to mock him to give a twist to the conversation.

-C'mon, you were the first one to hug him when he was eliminated and the first one to hug him when they say we all debuted- both laughed softly.

And if they started to point out every moment they saw the other fall in love further, they would realize it was always there. I was always obvious.

-Can't blame you tho- Seungmin said more firmly- I mean, you like the same person I like, I can't get mad at you for acknowledging how pretty, cute and awesome Minho hyung is- Han couldn't believe his ears- And don't you dare to tell him I said all of that about him. You're warned- Han laughed hard- But, for real, I'm not mad... Actually... I'm glad, because I'm 100% sure hyung's loves you too-

-What?-

What?

His mind started spiraling.

-I accepted it a while ago. That's why I'm not mad. I can't control what I feel, even less can I control what Minho's hyung feels, and I'm very sure he feels the same for you, Hannie-

Han's lips trembled, he needed to breathe properly.

-When I finally accepted that I will not have a chance with him, I settled my mind on the goal to start moving forward. He will always be my friend, hyung and teammate anyway, and I cherish his company above anything else. Regardless of the nature of our relationship. I want him to be happy, hyung. And if you can make him happy, I don't want to be an impediment on the way-

Han started to sob out loud. Big tears rolled through his cheeks even as he tried to stop them all with the sleeves of his hoodie. He breathed deep to fill his lungs, almost hyperventilating.

-Don't say that! I'm your hyung here, why are you trying to act all composed and cool when I know how you feel? I know this hurts. I know how much you love him. I know how it feels to have him there all the time but not at all at the same time!- he raised his voice a little, sounding as hurt as if he was the one taking that decision- You don't need to fake Seungminnie- he sniffled- I don't want to do this to you, you're important to me too-

-I'm not- I'm not faking hyung... I promise...- he said before starting to cry too. In silence, he whipped his face as much as he could, but like Han, tears didn't stop falling- I'm being honest, and I promise you it is something I thought about many times this last week before saying it to you. That's how much I love him, and how much I trust you- he laughed between sobs. Han was still gasping.

-You piece of shit... Come here- they approached each other on the sofa and snuzzled together. Han tried to whip Seungmin's tears but he dodged it.

-Disgusting, is already dirty with yours- Han giggled.

They both calmed down a little after some minutes of silence. Han's head hurted because of all the effort he makes to cry. Seungmin's eyes were puffy and red.

-Can't believe we are crying because of some man-

-Is not "some man", it is because of Minho hyung. I know I antagonize him on a daily basis but... He's one of the coolest people I know and I respect him so much. That's why... I want to make him happy as much as I can- Han nodded.

-You're surprisingly cringy about him-

-And you not? You literally write songs for him- Han blushed harder than ever.

-W-what?!-

-You're too obvious hyung-

-Tsk. Shut up-